In Defense of Godly Submission

This is my response on a forum in relation to the topic of Godly / Biblical Submission. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I consider it to be one of the most important things that is lacking in most relationships in this day and age. I truly feel that more women would be happier in their marriages if they would just give in to God...and submit to their worthy husbands.

And so, I wrote the below:

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I have written on the topic of submission so many times now that I don't even know where to begin! lol

I'm a very firm believer in Godly headship, and that women are to submit to their husband's authority. The husband, in turn, must answer to Christ and ultimately God for the health, safety, and well-being of his family-- not only spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally as well. A man who is abusive or uses Godly submission as an excuse to trod upon his wife IS NOT DESERVING OF HEADSHIP.

IMO, the key to being able to submit to Godly authority-- and therefore to your husband-- means having a husband WORTHY of submitting to!

A Godly man that does his best to be all that he has to be to ensure the happiness and safety of his family. He works hard, takes care of his children, leads his family spiritually. He is a strong man and therefore he makes it easier for a Godly woman to submit to him.

Much like any company or institution, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE PERSON IN ULTIMATE AUTHORITY. There is a President and a Vice-President, but the President is always the higher authority, the end-all, be-all of decision-making.

No business can be run when every moment is a power-struggle, when every executive decision made is constantly questioned and nitpicked and second-guessed. All this sort of behavior will do is start to make the President second-guess his every move...and eventually he won't want to make a decision at all, his self-confidence being completely shattered because no one is confident IN him.

Does that mean that the President does not ever CONSULT his VP? No, of course not. They should have calm, rational discussions on a day-to-day basis regarding the runnings of the business. They should not let their wants and emotions get in the way of reaching a decision, but do what is best for the entire company.

Ephesians 5:25-33

King James Version (KJV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The bible does not tell husbands to SUBJUGATE their wives, nor does it say that wives must tolerate abusive, controlling behaviors. It does not say that men must schedule out every waking moment of their wife's life.

The bible COMMANDS men to love their wives as their own body! So clearly, they would be going against God's expressed commands if they were to abuse the trust their submissive wife has placed in them!

I do have a mind. I have thoughts and opinions. I have beliefs. And I can and DO express all those things to my husband-- who IS my Head of Household. And you know what? Because he is worthy of my submission, he listens to every word I say and takes my counsel into account before he goes and makes huge decisions that will effect our relationship or our entire family.

Does he tell me what I should wear every day? What we should eat? How I should do my hair (or in my case, mandate that I cover)? What we should buy at the store? ...and on and on and on? Heck, no! He trusts me enough to know that I am perfectly capable of presenting myself as a good, wholesome, modest, feminine woman. He trusts me enough to know that as his wife, companion, and household steward, that I know more about running the house and other things of importance than he does! And when/if I'm unable to perform my role as a homemaker (such as if I'm ill, or like now, when I'm unfortunately working and he's laid off)...well, he just asks me how I think he should do it!

A real man would never be afraid to ask his woman how to do anything. As the Head of the Household, it is his responsibility to ensure that he knows ALL the functions of the house, his own responsibilities as well as mine.

I think the rub lies in what people think "SUBMISSIVE" actually means. It's been so twisted and distorted and given such a negative connotation that there is always this massive knee-jerk reaction whenever the word is even casually mentioned. You can thank (or rather, blame) feminism for that one.

Through searching the scriptures for the actual TRUTH, people can come to learn what REAL submission means and how they should live their lives in a God-fearing manner.

Modesty in an Immodest World

When most people think of modesty, what do they think of?

That's a loaded question, because of course people think all kinds of things. I know when I reached my later teens and early twenties, I had a rather negative viewpoint of modesty. I was raised to be modest, you see, and once I left my father's home I decided I would simply do what I want. Skirts below my knees? Not on your life! High-collared shirts? Oh, hell no! I was woman, hear me roar...and all that other nonsense.

When I was that age, I decided to go against much of what I was taught in matters of looks and appearance. It was rebellion on my part, and I thank God that I'm smart enough to not have been a REAL rebel and get myself into illegal drugs or binge drinking, as so many young adults do in this day and age. No, my rebellion was in how I looked, and by God, I was going to do what I wanted and dress how I wanted.

So, yeah. I showed up at nightclubs at the age of twenty-one wearing little more than a fishnet dress, thong, over-bust corset, and knee-high stiletto boots. Pretty much everything I had was on display for everyone to see...and I did get a LOT of looks. How could I not?

Did I love the attention it got me? ...not so much.

Instead of feeling free, beautiful, and desired, fully in charge of my femininity and the burden of responsibility cast off...I kind of felt like crap. I felt like a slab of meat. Men's eyes were on me everywhere I went in that club, and I knew EXACTLY what they were thinking. They didn't even HAVE to undress me in their head. Hell, I did it for them! Get them a little too drunk, and I could've faced a really bad situation. Thank you, God, that nothing more than a few errant drunken gropes happened. 

Rather than making me feel good, this behavior-- this acting out-- made me feel cheap and sleazy.

Damnit. Those feminists lied to me...again!

Modesty sans frumpiness!

Nowadays? I'm older and wiser. Fortunately. I've thrown off the feminist propaganda that tells me I can damn well do what I please and damn the consequences of my actions...and in doing so I've gotten back to my roots. I'm generally conservative in nature to begin with (how I ended up half-naked at a club making out with girls and having a couple too many I can't even imagine now!), but my spiritual path is taking me even further than I was raised to be.

Why be modest, though? Is there really anything wrong with wearing a tank top and short shorts? I mean...I live in FLORIDA, the United States capital of God-awful summer heat! I SHOULD be able to bend the "rules" I've got in my head of what is modest and immodest...right?

Not so much. At least, not for me. To me, modesty is about respect. It's respect for myself, for my relationship with my HOH, and for God.

• Dressing in a trashy way with lots of skin showing isn't respectful to myself. It feels as though I don't value myself. I don't want to be one of those women who get ahead in life because they wear miniskirts and let their breasts hang half out. Let me instead be judged (if you will) based on my OWN merits...not by how I look. I want my children to grow up knowing that I respect myself. I want them to learn from my example and not make the same mistakes I have.
• I take a great amount of pride in my relationship. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm submissive to my HOH naturally; it doesn't take any effort on my part whatsoever. I consider the fact that how I dress is not only a reflection on me, but it also is a reflection on HIM and our relationship. I have respect and deep, deep love for him and our relationship, and I aim to show it through my style of dress. My body is his to see...and his alone. I am not for public display.
• God created us all beautiful, in our way. I wouldn't cover myself up in ugly sacks and say "This is what God wants from me!", waving around my piousness like a badge of honor. I'm a humble person...but I still want to be pretty. God made women to be beautiful, so just because I won't wear tank-tops anymore and prefer long skirts does NOT mean I am all of a sudden going to wear ugly clothes. News flash: I can wear bright colors and lively patterns on my clothes and STILL look modest!

Of course, not everyone will agree with this, and I don't really care one way or the other if they do or not. I know how I feel when I dress modestly, in long skirts and dresses.

I feel feminine.

I feel pretty.

I feel confident.

I feel respectful AND respected.

To me, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing at all...

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To see the kinds of styles I enjoy, feel free to follow me on Pinterest, my second best hobby! 

 

The above photo is courtesy of Gal Meets Glam.

Dress to Impress-- Why You Should Take Care of Yourself for Yourself, and Him Too

I don't know about the rest of you, but I absolutely hate to be sick. I loathe it more than almost anything else in this world. Especially a head cold. Nothing is less attractive then an endlessly running nose, sniffling, and coughing all day long. When you get sick, there really isn't anything you can do about it aside from waiting it out. We don't have the cure for the common cold. Yet.

This topic came to mind to me because last night I was battling a low-grade fever and I hoped that a good night's sleep would be just the trick to get me feeling good and perky this morning. The sleep, unfortunately, just didn't work. Apparently, I cannot just sleep off an impending cold.

I will tell you one thing that does help me feel better, though. That one thing is dressing up.

That's right. Dressing up. It may be a simple vanity thing, or some deep subconscious feminine need, but whenever I'm sick, making myself pretty is a surefire way to perk up my mood.

I'm not a makeup addict by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just as likely to leave the house on any given day au naturale, without even a dab of something pretty on my face, as I am to apply something. I do, however, notice a huge change in how I feel when I go to the trouble of taking that five or ten minutes to do so.

In other words, I am not one of those "high-maintenance" chicks. I far prefer to be natural, and I do believe that K shares the same opinion.

However. However! By the same token, there are times when I simply feel that I want to look better...and often enough, dressing a little nicer than I usually do or quickly applying some concealer, mascara, and lip gloss does the trick. Yes, I do it for myself, and the truth of the matter is that whenever my mood is so-so and could stand some improvement, this always works! 

I make myself up pretty and maybe even throw on a nice skirt or dress. My mood elevates immediately. Take it from the girl whose average skin care regimen includes washing her face and brushing her hair, and whose wardrobe primarily consists of flip flops, cargo pants, and tank tops.

I look in the mirror and see myself...only better. And that, in turn, makes me feel better. I suppose there's some scientific reason for this, and I know I've found it here and there before, but I'm not going to go to the bother of looking this all up to post on here. Suffice it to say this: 

It is scientifically proven that making oneself look nicer is a surefire way to improve your mood.

Now that that's out of the way...one might ask this: dressing up and putting on makeup is great. It makes me feel nice, happier, insert-good-feeling-emotion here. However, what does that have to do with my man?

This is where things get a little more complicated. But not too complicated.

When two people share space with each other like two married / committed people do, there are naturally a lot of things that they see of each other that others don't. We go through sweaty days, stinky days, cranky days, period days, those days where last night's dinner simply didn't agree with you at all... For parents, it might become old hat to walk around in that shirt with infant spit up on it, wearing sweatpants and slippers all day long. Most humans don't see this sort of thing from anyone else except their partner. 

Sometimes these things are more frequent than the sweet-smelling, sexy-looking, nice days when your man wants to lock you into the bedroom all day and throw away the key.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I, for my part, far greatly prefer feeling sexy, wanted, and desired. 

It's very easy to get into an appearance slump, but it's also correctable and can go a long way toward improving your relationship if it's starting to slump, too.

Think back to when you and your man first got together or were dating. Heaven forbid should a hair on your head be out of place. You were always sure to look nice. He would never see you in sweats and hair in a ponytail. You wouldn't even dream of letting him see your legs unshaved. You wouldn't skip a shower if your life depended on it...all because of that desire to attract him to you, to make yourself appear more desirable than all the other little female fishies in the sea.

But somewhere along the line, that can change. You get committed. Life catches you up. You find yourself with less and less time, especially if you both work or there are babies to take into account. You love your man, yes...but at the same time, you no longer fear losing him.

After all, if he can tolerate the occasional after dinner flatulence, he can tolerate anything...right?

The fact of the matter is, once you get to that certain point in your relationship, looks seem to become less important. You've caught your man, so it's cool now. You're free to let things go a little.

But I'm saying you shouldn't do this, and if you discover that you're falling into this pattern, that you should get out of it, fast. You might be a harried stay at home mother and homemaker or a hard-working woman with a full time job, but you do not have to look like one! 

Do things for yourself once in a while. Hell, do something for yourself at least once a week, if not once a day. Doing so will improve your mood tremendously...and your man will enjoy looking at you, too. Liking looking at you, in turn, will cause him to continue to find you desirable, which in turn will cause you to feel more desirable.

People might claim this sort of thinking is sexist, but I personally do not believe in sexism. It's a simple matter of cause and effect. 

Cause: Children run you around all day, or work keeps you all hours of the day. You're harried and you can barely cope with or keep up with everything.

Effect: You run out of energy for everything, even for your man and yourself. You let yourself slip, and sex eventually goes right out the window in favor of, please God, just one good night of sleep!

Here's another one, though, that's far nicer than the first one:

Cause: You notice you're looking crappy, feeling crappy, and have no energy so you decide to spend an hour giving yourself a mani/pedi or a nice facial you read about in that woman's magazine.

Effect: You are pleased with yourself, and your mood improves. When your husband/SO comes home and notices your mood, it in turn brightens his day. He suggests a little quality "one-on-one" time that evening with waggled eyebrows. Everyone is happier as a result.

The point is, I'm not trying to say you ought to do things just for yourself or just for your man. Why not do it for both reasons? Looking nice can go a long way toward helping out your mood and therefore improve the mood of everyone in the house.

I know this for a fact, because instead of slumping around in sweatpants, I decided to throw on a skirt and some nicely applied, tasteful makeup today. I might not feel less sick, but I sure do feel better about it!

Give it a try if you haven't already, ladies. It can't hurt and can only help!

In Response

I wrote this in reply to a topic on one of my mom's groups. I figured considering it's on this same subject as is so near and dear to my heart, that I'd post it here as well.

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Here's a topic that's very close to my heart! I've stated my opinion on this at least a couple times, I'm sure, but I'm game to have a go at it again.

It's pretty plain from my sig that I do identify as a submissive wife. I mean, it's right there. I blog about it whenever I get the urge to post something regarding this topic. Like many of the other ladies, I will agree that there's a huge misconception in regards to what the term submissive actually is. In truth, it's a lot of things. There are those, like one of the mamas above, who consider it to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle. There are those who consider it to be a part of their duty as good Christian women and wives. And then...there's me, I guess.

I consider myself submissive. I follow my husband's lead in all matters. I feel that it gives me a great degree of freedom, and I feel far more free from worry than I have in my entire life, up till now. I'm happy to be a stay at home mother. I clean the house, I spend five hours a day schooling my child. I make sure the dog is out and that he's enough food and water. I get the mail in and run errands to the store and elsewhere. We cook meals together, because I know that I'm no good at grilling, which we do a lot. We put up the dishes together, and make sure that they're run through the washer. Laundry is my domain. It's not that DH can't do it...he's done it for years on his own after the dissolution of his previous marriage. Fact of the matter is, I'm MUCH better at it, and furthermore, it gives me pleasure to be good at what I do. If it's simply something like cleaning, or doing the laundry, or whatever the case may be, I get TREMENDOUS joy in knowing that in doing these things, I keep my household running smoothly and that I make my husband happy.

To me, there is no greater task in this world than seeing to the needs of my family and house. It makes me extremely happy to know that I'm doing a good job, and I'm told so by my DH all the time. Just like any person would be happy to receive praise at work for a job well done, so too do I. I LOVE to do little things for my husband: I get him his drinks, I rub his back or his feet when they hurt, I make sure that the table is always laid and ready for dinner. And you know what? He's ALWAYS appreciative of that! I am a forever-worrier; everything bothers me and makes me worry...and one of the things I worry over is whether I show him enough that I love him. I'm not incredibly verbally expressive, but he always maintains that through my actions he can easily see that I do love him...which in turn causes me to worry less about it and feel more secure.

I don't choose submissiveness because I am a weak-willed woman. It's something entirely natural and normal for me. I've been submissive by nature for my entire life, ever since I was a child. Consider it the opposite of the classic Type-A personality, if you'd like. I'm not pushy, I don't enjoy the spotlight. I don't enjoy being the one in charge. I prefer to be the person in the background, getting what needs to be done, done without any rewards or applause for it.

Yes, I do think that submissiveness is a choice. No dominant man could ever actually be allowed to be dominant if his woman refuses to submit to him. To me, giving the gift of submission to my husband is my ultimate gift to him: it shows that I hold him in tremendous esteem, that I trust him implicitly above ALL other men. I feel more comfortable with myself, far stronger and more secure, because of the nature of our relationship.

I've tried doing it both ways. In my previous marriage, I desired to be a SAHM, to raise children and mind the house. My ex was fine with having a house slave, but that's really just what he thought of our "marriage". It took me a while to realize it, but he thought that marriage was having someone to do everything for him while he worked. He thought it was all about him working, and doing nothing else, then coming home and having sex with me whether I liked it or not. He wasn't dominant at all; in fact, he demurred to me in EVERYTHING. At first I liked it. I liked being in charge and having a man give me what I want, whenever I wanted it. But after a short time, it began to wear and tear on me. I realized through observing his behavior that he's not a strong man at all. I lost all respect for him, and between that and a variety of other things, that was the beginning of the end of that marriage for me.


When I left him, I was already so disenfranchised with the "wimpy man" type (which he was in spades, video game obsession included!), that I was determined to stay single forever. It wasn't until I found Kenny that I realized that our plans can often go awry, and often for the best of reasons. Where my ex was weak, in Kenny I found a strong man, one who was opinionated and highly intelligent. Before we ever met, I KNEW he was the one for me. Being with him makes me feel like a stronger person and a more confident woman. I trust him COMPLETELY. I don't worry about him making the wrong decision for our family, because I know his mind, and his morals, and his way of thinking. We are in accord in everything in our lives, and I mean EVERYTHING. When you have this kind of confidence in your man, it makes it very easy to allow him to take charge and be the leader.

The way I see it (feel free to bash me, if you will) is that it's the "equal partnership" relationships which are harder to make work. In every aspect of nature, there is a leader and a follower. Look in business: someone must be the boss, and someone must be the employee. Look in the animal world: one must be the pack leader, and the rest followers. These sorts of examples go on and on.

It seems to me that this pattern is one of Natural Order, and it oughtn't be messed with. Someone must lead. How can two people BOTH be the leaders in a household? It would be nothing but a power struggle till the end of time, with constant arguements and fighting over who gets to be in charge, over whose ideas and decisions are the right ones.

Perhaps I'm getting a tad off track of the subject, but this is the way that I see a naturally dominant/submissive relationship. It's just a part of the Natural Order of the world. I don't need god to tell me so, because I can clearly see it evident in almost every facet of the world around me. In fact, I'd venture to say (for those of us who are religious or Christian) that since God created everything, how he would like us to interact in our own personal relationships should be as obvious as observing the world around us. For thousands-- or more-- of years, it was the man's responsibility to lead, to protect his family, and to provide for their support. It was the woman's responsibility to see to the home, to the comfort of her family, and to the raising of children. Somewhere along the line all that went awry. I just figure that, for myself and in my relationship, that we're following a time-tested and proven method that WORKS.

It might not work for everyone, but it doesn't hurt trying. After all, I can't think of many other people I know in my personal life that can claim and have it said true that they NEVER fight or even argue with their spouse. Even my own mother tried to tell me that my relationship is WRONG because I maintain that we never fight. She says that EVERYONE fights, which makes us apparently abnormal.

If that's the case, I'm glad to be in the abnormal minority.

Ten Commandments (How to Fulfill a Submissive Woman)

I found this post through a random search over google and thought it was interesting enough to share. I don't know if the person I got it from swiped it from somewhere else or if it's there's, but I'll throw a little link in there so I'm not plagiarizing anyone. If they're plagiarizing, that's great for them, but I won't do it.

And here we go!

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Ten Commandments (How to Fulfill a Submissive Woman)

1. THOU SHALT PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS OF HER DESIRE: Find and touch her personal, "pleasure points." A sub's Emotional and Physical pleasure points are chinks in her "armor" that allow her to receive erotic pleasure and fulfillment. 

2. THOU SHALT STIMULATE HER SENSES: Looking good is never bad. But women are less visual than Men, so it's vital that you speak to all her senses. Say arousing things, be clean, smell and taste pleasant and remember she is sensitive to touch. Explore the sensual paradise of her body. 

3. THOU SHALT COMPLIMENT HER MEANINGFULLY AND OFTEN: Compliment her body, and she'll be more likely to want to share it with you. Respect her mind, and she'll give you the key to unlock her desires...Just because you've told her you love her once, doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her again--and again. 

4. THOU SHALT ENCOURAGE HER TO SHOW AND TELL WHAT PLEASES HER: Reassure her that it's okay for her to tell you what turns her on. Tell her to masturbate for you and watch her carefully, not just for your own pleasure, but to see how she likes to be touched. 

5. THOU SHALT LISTEN TO HER THOUGHTS: Learn about who she is, what she's been through, in her life, what she needs and what she desires. Talk to her, but most of all, listen to her, and she'll never stop sharing herself with you. Discover the little girl inside your sub. Play with her, and she'll never grow old. 

6. THOU SHALT MAKE HER LAUGH: Amuse your sub, be a fool for love. Laughter is a mental orgasm. If her Master can make her laugh, her soul will be revealed and her mind/body will belong to Him. 

7. THOU SHALT GIVE HER REWARDS AND GIFTS: Every woman since the dawn of time has responded to a gift as if it were an erotic act. Reward her when she is "good" and surprise her at random times. The specific "gift" is not important, it could be emerald earrings, sexy lingerie, a flower plucked from a field, or your emotional support in a crisis. It is the "giving" that will win her heart and soul. 

8. THOU SHALT RADIATE CONFIDENCE AND SENSITIVITY: Master's confidence makes her feel secure. His strength excites her. His sensitivity makes him accessible, warm and lovable. Demonstrate and talk about your feelings. 

9. THOU SHALT UNDERSTAND AND ENJOY FOREPLAY: The key part of foreplay is "play." Be patient and sensual. Tease her mind and body. Learn to kiss, lick, and touch every part of her and allow sufficient time for her to enjoy her pleasure and reach that bliss that she seeks. 

10. THOU SHALT EXPLORE HER DREAMS AND ENCOURAGE HER: Listen and help her to explore and understand her dreams, hopes, and ambitions. Guide and encourage her efforts to achieve her goals. Talk about and explore her sexual fantasies and help her to realize them.

Surrendering.

I have never read the book (where the term "surrendered" comes from), but it doesn't take rocket science to realize when one has found a kindred spirit, or that I don't find some value in the concept.

I have always been submissive by nature, but only recently did I find a man worthy enough to surrender myself to. It has been The Most Joyous thing that's ever happened to me. There's so much freedom in being allowed to be myself and to give in to him. I'm like a sapling, bending against the force of the wind. I'm a planet, and he is my sun. I can't help but find myself drawn to him and revolving around him. It feels so natural, so perfect, so right.

He never expects me to not have a mind of my own, although I do naturally demure to him. I am not a doormat, weak-willed, lazy, or lacking in intelligence. He loves me for my whole, and doesn't pick me apart to decide how I should behave. He understands that I find words of love far more difficult to express than doing so through my actions, and he's alright with that because it's simply a part of me. When I need correction, he will be there to help me. When I feel overemotional and clingy, he'll never push me away.

I finally feel free to be myself, for the first time in my life.

Not Just For the Bedroom!

I don't consider my relationship that of a lifestyle. My HOH and I don't have "sessions" where we enact sexual things and go about our day acting like the average "vanilla" couple otherwise. Our relationship is free-flowing, unstrained, and absolutely natural. I am a natural submissive by heart and my deepest desire is to always please my husband. There is no need to spank me because I ALWAYS defer to him, no matter what. Yes, I do cheek him on occasion, but he likes that. I do it intentionally because I know he likes it. Not that he needs a reason to, but it gives him another opportunity to dominate me.

The act of domination doesn't have to be painful, although perhaps some might feel that it's necessary. I know factually that I do not need it, and not only that, but it would be detrimental to our relationship and strain the trust I have for him. When my HOH dominates me, it always results in laughter, his and mine both. My body is extremely sensitive and his desired way of dominating so is through tickling. In only moments, I'm completely at his mercy, laughing and gasping for breath. Often he tells me I'm not allowed to struggle, and I must take his "punishment". Usually in this case I'm cheeky again, because I know that in doing so he'll become even more aggressive toward me.

Even still, he need not even touch me to dominate me. A simple smoldering look is enough to stop me in my tracks and set my pulse to racing. And believe me, my HOH is FULL of those kinds of looks! It's immensely gratifying to know that they're ALL for me.

I don't see any need for real pain in a relationship. A swat on the ass in passing or pulling hair in the bedroom is one thing, but real, true pain? I don't find it necessary, and neither does he. If my HOH made me cry for any reason, I know for a fact that it would break his heart. Our relationship is one full of love and laughter, and his desire is to keep me laughing above all else. Without that joy, what sense is there in living at all?

We don't have to fear about keeping the nature of our relationship a secret from my five year old son because the simple fact is, there's nothing to hide! I don't have to worry about my child's reaction, or try and keep things hidden from eyes that should not see it. All he is able to see is love and laughter and lots of huggies and kissies. It's the kind of atmosphere that all children should be raised in, and I know that it's inspired a great deal of confidence in him at his young age.

While I understand that some people enjoy "the lifestyle", this is not the way we choose to do things. I love our natural, traditional, male-led and dominated household. It sets a good precedent not only for me as his submissive, loving, attentive wife, but also as a role-model to my son, who will learn through example how to be a real man.

Submissive Doesn't Mean...

...I'm into BDSM and the sexual fetish lifestyle revolving around being submissive or surrendered. I don't wear a collar, receive spankings when I do "wrong", I'm not a "slave" to my "master", I don't prefer to be a doormat. I'm no masochist, though a swat on the ass in play on the way by once in awhile doesn't bother me. Being submissive doesn't mean that I have fluff between my ears, or that I will just shut my mouth and do what I'm told. And no, if I speak up and say my mind, you may NOT put a ball gag in there.

I'm sure I've ranted about this before on another similar experience group, but submissiveness isn't all about the sex. It's about communication, love, respect, and deep trust. That's not just from the perspective of the submissive, either. The door MUST swing both ways for a dominant/submissive relationship to work. The submissive needs their dominant mate to be strong, to provide for them, to help them feel secure, safe, and comfortable as they are. The dominant must always be kind, caring, gentle, and considerate of his mate's needs, and his top priority should be to see to it that these needs are met.

I've been submissive my entire life. I was a quiet, shy, ultra-serious, and very reserved child. I was also very naive, and my submissive nature and the way I was raised contributed heavily to me putting myself into a very bad, very abusive relationship. Fact of the matter is, I didn't know how to simply say no, so I just went along with things I felt a little squicky about. By the time I fully realized my position, I felt there was no way out, and therefore I was stuck for seven long, lonely, and scary years. I finally managed to break away, although it was extremely difficult for me. Doing so likely saved my life.

I found myself suddenly single and pregnant, with almost no support in my life. I was scared to death of being alone and single forever. So when the opportunity came to get together with an old High School boyfriend, I leapt at it, much to my detriment. I had second thoughts leading up to and all through our wedding. I didn't really want him to touch me. I grit my teeth and bore his attempts at sex. I stayed home while he went to work, but the only time I was truly happy was when he was gone. I ended up discovering a lot of truths about my husband, among them many lies and the fact that he thought marriage was for free housekeeping and free sex whenever he wanted it. After three years, I ended it and moved across the country, with the desire to put as much space between me and him as possible.

I learned a lot from that marriage, truth be told. I learned what I really needed out of a man. My ex is one of those guys that's so eager to please that he has no mind of his own. What do you want for dinner? Whatever you want. What movie would you like to see? I don't care, whichever one you like. The list goes on and on. As it turns out, my ex was submissive himself, and that was the sticking point and one of the largest reasons why our marriage failed. It taught me that I need a truly dominant man, one that holds to traditional values. Someone I had things in common with, that would listen and actively engage my mind in conversation and matters of intellect.

In moving across the country, I ended up finding just who I was looking for, and I'm ever so glad for all the mistakes I've made. If I hadn't made them, they never would've led me here.