In Defense of Godly Submission

This is my response on a forum in relation to the topic of Godly / Biblical Submission. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I consider it to be one of the most important things that is lacking in most relationships in this day and age. I truly feel that more women would be happier in their marriages if they would just give in to God...and submit to their worthy husbands.

And so, I wrote the below:

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I have written on the topic of submission so many times now that I don't even know where to begin! lol

I'm a very firm believer in Godly headship, and that women are to submit to their husband's authority. The husband, in turn, must answer to Christ and ultimately God for the health, safety, and well-being of his family-- not only spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally as well. A man who is abusive or uses Godly submission as an excuse to trod upon his wife IS NOT DESERVING OF HEADSHIP.

IMO, the key to being able to submit to Godly authority-- and therefore to your husband-- means having a husband WORTHY of submitting to!

A Godly man that does his best to be all that he has to be to ensure the happiness and safety of his family. He works hard, takes care of his children, leads his family spiritually. He is a strong man and therefore he makes it easier for a Godly woman to submit to him.

Much like any company or institution, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE PERSON IN ULTIMATE AUTHORITY. There is a President and a Vice-President, but the President is always the higher authority, the end-all, be-all of decision-making.

No business can be run when every moment is a power-struggle, when every executive decision made is constantly questioned and nitpicked and second-guessed. All this sort of behavior will do is start to make the President second-guess his every move...and eventually he won't want to make a decision at all, his self-confidence being completely shattered because no one is confident IN him.

Does that mean that the President does not ever CONSULT his VP? No, of course not. They should have calm, rational discussions on a day-to-day basis regarding the runnings of the business. They should not let their wants and emotions get in the way of reaching a decision, but do what is best for the entire company.

Ephesians 5:25-33

King James Version (KJV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The bible does not tell husbands to SUBJUGATE their wives, nor does it say that wives must tolerate abusive, controlling behaviors. It does not say that men must schedule out every waking moment of their wife's life.

The bible COMMANDS men to love their wives as their own body! So clearly, they would be going against God's expressed commands if they were to abuse the trust their submissive wife has placed in them!

I do have a mind. I have thoughts and opinions. I have beliefs. And I can and DO express all those things to my husband-- who IS my Head of Household. And you know what? Because he is worthy of my submission, he listens to every word I say and takes my counsel into account before he goes and makes huge decisions that will effect our relationship or our entire family.

Does he tell me what I should wear every day? What we should eat? How I should do my hair (or in my case, mandate that I cover)? What we should buy at the store? ...and on and on and on? Heck, no! He trusts me enough to know that I am perfectly capable of presenting myself as a good, wholesome, modest, feminine woman. He trusts me enough to know that as his wife, companion, and household steward, that I know more about running the house and other things of importance than he does! And when/if I'm unable to perform my role as a homemaker (such as if I'm ill, or like now, when I'm unfortunately working and he's laid off)...well, he just asks me how I think he should do it!

A real man would never be afraid to ask his woman how to do anything. As the Head of the Household, it is his responsibility to ensure that he knows ALL the functions of the house, his own responsibilities as well as mine.

I think the rub lies in what people think "SUBMISSIVE" actually means. It's been so twisted and distorted and given such a negative connotation that there is always this massive knee-jerk reaction whenever the word is even casually mentioned. You can thank (or rather, blame) feminism for that one.

Through searching the scriptures for the actual TRUTH, people can come to learn what REAL submission means and how they should live their lives in a God-fearing manner.

Viewpoints on Spirituality.

It's funny how a span of only a few months can see huge changes come to a person and manifest in the world. In my last post, I talked about how I felt lead toward covering my head and dressing more modesty for submissive and spiritual reasons. In fact, I prefaced it with the idea that I never intended this blog to be full of my spiritual musings at all. I'd truly wanted it to be so that each and every submissive-- regardless of what manner of sub they are-- would be able to find something of value to themselves on my blog.

But...things change. 

The older I get, the more I realize that I'm sort of doing it wrong. Submissiveness is about and ought to be about spirituality, first and foremost above all else. If it's not about spirituality, then it's about sexual pleasure...and what God wants from us out of life is not simply reacting to pleasure and pain.

Last September, I wrote a lengthy post on here about why I was trying to keep religion out of my writings. The post was called Submission vs. Religion, and it can be found here. I find it kind of funny that, in reading back over it, while I was asserting that religion / spirituality ought not necessarily have a place in submissiveness...at the same time, all my arguments were FOR submissiveness as a natural trait God asks of humans!

My post was very contradictory on the whole, and let me quickly just point out why. In it, I asserted from the very beginning that because I don't agree with ALL of the teachings laid out in the bible, I don't need the bible to tell me how my life should be lived whatsoever. I said that I could clearly see from the way the universe works that natural submission is normal and derived from God.

And it IS true. Submission IS evident throughout our world. However...why was I saying that I didn't need the bible to tell me so?

It wasn't because it was not true. It was, and is, very true. I was doing so because somewhere inside of me, I still had that faint resistance toward organized religion, which was manifesting itself in a distrust of the words in the bible.

But the bible also tells us that "You will recognize them by their fruits." (Matt. 7:16a) So, too, we can recognize the BIBLE ITSELF by its fruit, the fruit being the grain of Truth that is found there.

Therefore, it's sound to reason that if the bible shows how headship ought to be arranged and it's also in line with Natural Order...it's ordained by God, who itself created Natural Order, making the admonition in 1 Corinthians 11:3-- "that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God"-- a natural, simple Truth.

Is the above roundabout logic? Perhaps. But it is true nonetheless, and in a lot of ways it's making me rethink my spirituality.

How did I get to headcovering? Why the appeal for me? Well, if you move on from the third verse I quoted just there, it says that women ought to cover their head when praying or prophesying. Most organized religions in this day and age kind of skip over that part because it simply doesn't fit into the way our modern society works. They want SOME of the Truth there...but are unwilling to go all the way and also take the Truth from the rest of it.

A woman covering her head shows submissiveness toward her head of household and to God. It shows modesty and decency and respect. Are these traits that a submissive woman would want to have? As far as I'm concerned, you bet!

So, yeah.

You may find that the context of this blog becomes more and more spiritual. I'm tired of trying to fight off my inclination toward disbelieving the bible simply because I've been burned by organized religion in the past. I'm a Seeker of Truth; that's something that is more important to me than anything else. 

If there are Truths throughout the bible, then you can rest assured that I will find them, utilize them, and share them here. And if the thought of scripture being quoted here and there, with sound, logical reasoning why I think it ought to be followed, upsets and / or insults you for some reason...then it's safe to say that you may want to look elsewhere for a different person's writing who is more in line with your thoughts on the matter.

Or...stay, and share with me this submissive journey I'm on. 

The choice is yours.

The Little Things That Bring Me Joy

It's funny how being in love changes a person. I used to be one of those people that hated household chores. I did them because I had to, not because it gave me any pleasure. I never really had the satisfaction of a job well-done. 

Cooking, sweeping, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, doing the laundry...cleaning the BATHROOM?

Yeech! 

Dishes, especially, were of great personal loathing to me.

God, I always HATED dishes. They seemed to pile up endlessly. I could never manage to keep up with them. It was impossible to get my ex to rinse off his plates and bowls, resulting in a disgusting and ugly mess inside our dishwasher. Eventually, it ended up breaking completely, and I was forced to clean all those dishes by hand, once again, fighting with the disgusting, dried-up mess on plates on a daily basis. 

All this isn't even taking into consideration the fact that I was disabled before I ever married my ex, and trying to grasp dishes with my disabled hand tends to cause me tremendous pain over time.

Succinctly, I loathed dishes and everything to do with them, and I couldn't stand my ex's inconsideration of me. He didn't care that I had to work extra hard to make the dishes clean because he was too lazy to run them under water. He didn't care that doing so was causing me a great deal of physical pain. He clearly thought that was the only thing I was good for-- cooking and cleaning up after him.

This, among many other things, led me to loathe him just as much as I did all those hated household chores. Eventually, it led to the dissolution of our marriage altogether.

And you know what? In a lot of ways, I'm glad it did, because if I hadn't gotten so thoroughly disgusted with this lazy, dirty man, I never would've gotten the nerve up to move so far away from home...where eventually I did end up meeting the one true love of my life. Thank you, God.

Things have changed with me in a complete 180 since I met K. A lot of the things I couldn't ever stand to do back then give me a tremendous amount of satisfaction and joy now.

The reason why is because I know that he appreciates everything I do for him.

I love to cook now, when I used to hate it beforehand. I never got any pleasure out of it, because the simple fact was that I knew my ex didn't appreciate me or anything I did, especially when it came to things like running the household. Doing the laundry, while not entirely pleasurable, is a lot more enjoyable to me because I know that doing it makes my HOH proud of me.

My nemesis, dishes? Oh yes. I LOVE doing the dishes now, surprisingly enough! We have a dishwasher, and lately it's been acting up. Instead of whining about how it needs to be fixed so that dishes come out spotlessly clean like they're supposed to...I decided instead that I'd start washing all the dishes old school-- by hand. It needs doing multiple times a day to be sure that a huge mess doesn't end up all over the kitchen counters, but I love doing it anyway...because now I take pride in the appearance of our home and I want things looking nice all the time. 

It doesn't even bother me that much when my hand starts hurting me, because my sense of pride and the feel of his love for me kind of just...covers it up. It's a pain worth bearing for me because of the rewards I get from it.

The biggest reason for all this is simple: I want my HOH to be proud of me. I feel like I need a sense of accomplishment, and making sure that everything is neat and in order, all nice and clean, is one way of doing that. I know for a fact that K appreciates everything I do around the house, because he tells me so regularly. It bolsters me up and makes me want to keep on keeping on, and even find new and better ways of doing things in order to keep that appreciation and sense of pride.

This is one of those things that just makes sense, and it isn't a one-way street, either. It's very nice to feel appreciated, and I love it. However, it's also very easy to forget to show appreciation for the things your partner does for YOU. You should always remember to show appreciation for your own HOH. Let him know that the little things he does for you are important to you and make you feel special-- even if it is something simple like changing the oil in the car or mowing the lawn. Those things take time, too, and are just as much a reason to appreciate him as he does for you.

Showing appreciation for each other is another way of showing love. When it's a two-way street and both partners are feeling appreciated, it makes them want to work harder, for their partner, for their family, and especially for themselves. 

Stay appreciative, and you'll find that your relationship stays strong, too!

Loving the Husband More Than the Kids Is Key to Good Life

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

Read the rest HERE.

Insecurity.

One of the things I noticed-- rather recently, to my chagrin-- is how I react when I feel insecure. It's not that I didn't realize it, but rather that I didn't realize what it meant. 

It's hard to admit to oneself that you are insecure to begin with, and it's something that I've suffered with a lot over the course of my life. I have always held myself to an impossible standard, something that I could never follow. I want to be always on the right side of things. I never want to be a disappointment or a failure in any aspect of my life. What I seek in myself is perfection, and of course, I ALWAYS fall short of it. No one is perfect. I know this, as does everyone else; and yet the fact remains that I still want myself to be this way...and when I'm not, I find I disappoint myself.

Of course, perfection being what it is, I find that I am constantly disappointing myself. Because of this, I have a deep-seated fear that by being a disappointment to myself that I must therefore also be a disappointment to my loved ones. There is no greater fear to me than disappointing my HOH. It literally goes well above and beyond any other fear that I might ever have, and causes a significant amount of insecurity in me.

It's a sad thing that I can easily recognize my own insecurities, and yet I feel as though I have absolutely no control over them. I understand that my need to be/seem/appear perfect in all matters is irrational at best. Yet at the same time, I cannot stop myself from thinking and feeling this way no matter how hard I try to convince myself I can. 

I constantly and consistently set myself up for disappointment, and in this one thing I never let myself down. I see the littlest disappointments internally and they by their very nature become huge and irreconcilable to me.

I suppose at the least it's a good thing that I understand this part of myself. If I didn't, I can imagine that I would spend my life moody, disappointed, and depressed and have absolutely no idea why. Usually I can spot these sort of emotional trends coming a mile away, even if I'm powerless to stop it happening.

While I do know what the cause of the bulk of my insecurities were, my largest one over all of these is even more simple: I feel that I cannot control myself and my emotions. This is a source of deep disgust and self-loathing to me, and naturally by proxy I find it hard to imagine myself a loveable person if I feel so deeply disgusted in myself. If I cannot love myself, in essence, why ought anyone else, ever? 

Coming close on the heels of that is the fact that I have a deep, undeniable need to know that I am loved, even if I hate myself on many occasions...which is where I come down to the topic at hand.

My reaction to my own self-loathing and disgust is usually tears. I get angry and frustrated at my own stupidity, for saying or doing whatever stupid thing that got me along those lines to begin with. I all at once feel the need to withdraw. I am unloveable to everyone because I do not love myself, I feel.

Yet at the same time, I always find myself turning toward my HOH. He gives me the reassurance that even if I err and do something horribly stupid, he still loves me and is happy with me. Not necessarily my actions, but my person. While I desire to retreat and turn inward, shunning contact with others, at the same time I long for emotional support and physical touch. Nothing stills me faster than being held, because the act itself tells my subconscious, "What you did or said might not be okay, but I'm okay with you." 

Because of this innate need to feel secure and loved, even when I don't feel that I deserve it, I find that the more insecure I feel, the more I long to touch, to hold and be held. Most of the time I cannot express myself. There may not be words attached with all these crazy emotions, or if there are, I may find myself too tongue-tied to get them out. But I know that I can at least express myself in this way. 

My fear in this area is, perhaps, in being found out...although I'll be found out anyhow, considering my HOH reads this. The fact of the matter is that I'm transparent as a pane of glass, and to me it's shameful that I can have just figured this out when I'm positive that he already knows this is my reaction to stress, doubt, and insecurity. 

And yet, here's the truth of the matter: I'm a woman, I'm emotional, and I'm frequently insecure, and the only cure for it is his unconditional love. My saving grace is that he understands the nature of a woman and accepts me for who I am and what I feel.

In Response

I wrote this in reply to a topic on one of my mom's groups. I figured considering it's on this same subject as is so near and dear to my heart, that I'd post it here as well.

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Here's a topic that's very close to my heart! I've stated my opinion on this at least a couple times, I'm sure, but I'm game to have a go at it again.

It's pretty plain from my sig that I do identify as a submissive wife. I mean, it's right there. I blog about it whenever I get the urge to post something regarding this topic. Like many of the other ladies, I will agree that there's a huge misconception in regards to what the term submissive actually is. In truth, it's a lot of things. There are those, like one of the mamas above, who consider it to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle. There are those who consider it to be a part of their duty as good Christian women and wives. And then...there's me, I guess.

I consider myself submissive. I follow my husband's lead in all matters. I feel that it gives me a great degree of freedom, and I feel far more free from worry than I have in my entire life, up till now. I'm happy to be a stay at home mother. I clean the house, I spend five hours a day schooling my child. I make sure the dog is out and that he's enough food and water. I get the mail in and run errands to the store and elsewhere. We cook meals together, because I know that I'm no good at grilling, which we do a lot. We put up the dishes together, and make sure that they're run through the washer. Laundry is my domain. It's not that DH can't do it...he's done it for years on his own after the dissolution of his previous marriage. Fact of the matter is, I'm MUCH better at it, and furthermore, it gives me pleasure to be good at what I do. If it's simply something like cleaning, or doing the laundry, or whatever the case may be, I get TREMENDOUS joy in knowing that in doing these things, I keep my household running smoothly and that I make my husband happy.

To me, there is no greater task in this world than seeing to the needs of my family and house. It makes me extremely happy to know that I'm doing a good job, and I'm told so by my DH all the time. Just like any person would be happy to receive praise at work for a job well done, so too do I. I LOVE to do little things for my husband: I get him his drinks, I rub his back or his feet when they hurt, I make sure that the table is always laid and ready for dinner. And you know what? He's ALWAYS appreciative of that! I am a forever-worrier; everything bothers me and makes me worry...and one of the things I worry over is whether I show him enough that I love him. I'm not incredibly verbally expressive, but he always maintains that through my actions he can easily see that I do love him...which in turn causes me to worry less about it and feel more secure.

I don't choose submissiveness because I am a weak-willed woman. It's something entirely natural and normal for me. I've been submissive by nature for my entire life, ever since I was a child. Consider it the opposite of the classic Type-A personality, if you'd like. I'm not pushy, I don't enjoy the spotlight. I don't enjoy being the one in charge. I prefer to be the person in the background, getting what needs to be done, done without any rewards or applause for it.

Yes, I do think that submissiveness is a choice. No dominant man could ever actually be allowed to be dominant if his woman refuses to submit to him. To me, giving the gift of submission to my husband is my ultimate gift to him: it shows that I hold him in tremendous esteem, that I trust him implicitly above ALL other men. I feel more comfortable with myself, far stronger and more secure, because of the nature of our relationship.

I've tried doing it both ways. In my previous marriage, I desired to be a SAHM, to raise children and mind the house. My ex was fine with having a house slave, but that's really just what he thought of our "marriage". It took me a while to realize it, but he thought that marriage was having someone to do everything for him while he worked. He thought it was all about him working, and doing nothing else, then coming home and having sex with me whether I liked it or not. He wasn't dominant at all; in fact, he demurred to me in EVERYTHING. At first I liked it. I liked being in charge and having a man give me what I want, whenever I wanted it. But after a short time, it began to wear and tear on me. I realized through observing his behavior that he's not a strong man at all. I lost all respect for him, and between that and a variety of other things, that was the beginning of the end of that marriage for me.


When I left him, I was already so disenfranchised with the "wimpy man" type (which he was in spades, video game obsession included!), that I was determined to stay single forever. It wasn't until I found Kenny that I realized that our plans can often go awry, and often for the best of reasons. Where my ex was weak, in Kenny I found a strong man, one who was opinionated and highly intelligent. Before we ever met, I KNEW he was the one for me. Being with him makes me feel like a stronger person and a more confident woman. I trust him COMPLETELY. I don't worry about him making the wrong decision for our family, because I know his mind, and his morals, and his way of thinking. We are in accord in everything in our lives, and I mean EVERYTHING. When you have this kind of confidence in your man, it makes it very easy to allow him to take charge and be the leader.

The way I see it (feel free to bash me, if you will) is that it's the "equal partnership" relationships which are harder to make work. In every aspect of nature, there is a leader and a follower. Look in business: someone must be the boss, and someone must be the employee. Look in the animal world: one must be the pack leader, and the rest followers. These sorts of examples go on and on.

It seems to me that this pattern is one of Natural Order, and it oughtn't be messed with. Someone must lead. How can two people BOTH be the leaders in a household? It would be nothing but a power struggle till the end of time, with constant arguements and fighting over who gets to be in charge, over whose ideas and decisions are the right ones.

Perhaps I'm getting a tad off track of the subject, but this is the way that I see a naturally dominant/submissive relationship. It's just a part of the Natural Order of the world. I don't need god to tell me so, because I can clearly see it evident in almost every facet of the world around me. In fact, I'd venture to say (for those of us who are religious or Christian) that since God created everything, how he would like us to interact in our own personal relationships should be as obvious as observing the world around us. For thousands-- or more-- of years, it was the man's responsibility to lead, to protect his family, and to provide for their support. It was the woman's responsibility to see to the home, to the comfort of her family, and to the raising of children. Somewhere along the line all that went awry. I just figure that, for myself and in my relationship, that we're following a time-tested and proven method that WORKS.

It might not work for everyone, but it doesn't hurt trying. After all, I can't think of many other people I know in my personal life that can claim and have it said true that they NEVER fight or even argue with their spouse. Even my own mother tried to tell me that my relationship is WRONG because I maintain that we never fight. She says that EVERYONE fights, which makes us apparently abnormal.

If that's the case, I'm glad to be in the abnormal minority.

Trust vs. Jealousy

This is a subject that I see come up time and again on my mom's forums. A woman's DH talks to someone that they don't approve of-- be it an ex girlfriend, a female coworker, and the list goes on and on-- and upon finding out, it blows up into this HUGE fight. One of the ladies recently started a huge row and told her husband off simply because he was talking to an old high school girlfriend over Facebook and said girlfriend sent him a couple of old football articles.

Not only did she tell her husband off, she clearly thought that she would get backing for her rude and inconsiderate behavior. It seems to me that she was just as upset when other moms were telling her that she should have handled it in a different way than she was finding out about her husband talking to an old flame.

The part that I find sad about all this is that there's a simple lack of trust...almost everywhere, it seems. If this were an unusual occurrance, I wouldn't think about it too much at all. The fact of the matter is that, nowadays, women simply don't trust their men.

It's really a two way street when it comes to trust in relationships. If you show trust, your partner will be trustworthy in return. If you do not show trust, then your partner may end up feeling that there's no more need for him to be trustworthy...simply because no matter what he does, you won't trust him anyway. The degree of frustration over his ability to actually Do Anything Right will leave him disenchanted at best, and at worst drive him away.

When I read these sorts of things, it makes me ever so glad that I don't have to worry about things like this. While I do admit to jealousy on the occasion, I fully realize that this jealousy is all in my head and it isn't doing me any good. I truly have no need to be jealous of K's ex, because of one simple fact that he told me:

If he wanted her, he would still be with her. He chose ME. He's with ME. He's in MY bed every night.

I still talk to my ex, on the rare occasion. When I do, I try to keep it as short as possible, because it's a part of my life that I simply would like to get past. But he remains on my Facebook profile as a friend-- for a variety of reasons, among them so that I can get ahold of him easier when the time comes for me to file papers-- and, shock and amazement! K doesn't ever get distrustful of me. He has absolutely no jealousy or resentment of what came before. I know this for a fact because, if he did, he would talk to me and tell me!

I'm secure enough in my relationship to know that much. Without genuine communication, nothing's left but that a sense of mistrust and apprehension, which are left to grow and fester until it drives a wedge into the relationship. It doesn't matter if these negative emotions are real or imagined: by nursing them and not letting them out, you make them as real as if they actually were.

Why should K be mistrustful of my previous relationships, really? We both know that my marriage to my ex was...shall we say, less than satisfactory? I wasn't happy at all, through the entire duration of the marriage to my ex, and now that I'm well away from him and with K, I am. I, in turn, know that K's former relationship was just as bad for him, and that being with me is what makes him happy. I still can't fathom that fact sometimes, but yet...there it is. And really? If that's enough for K, it's enough for me, too.

Being confident and secure like this-- having real, genuine trust in one's partner and knowing it's returned in kind-- is one of the most amazing and fulfilling parts of being in a relationship. True trust is an apparently rare gift today, because so often women are so caught up in their own insecurities that they fail to see everywhere that their relationship's gone right. They forget about the fact that The Ex is the ex...for a reason.

Overawed, As Usual...

God, it's such a wonder to me, sometimes. Still. I'm feeling totally shitty from Aunt Flo making an appearance in town (started yesterday, but really got going last night), bleeding everywhere, worrying whether these tiny little pads are going to cut it. I've been on the computer downloading books for the last while. I figure to take advantage of reading material before we end up in the car.

The lavender scented candle I lit-- just for the smell of it-- is doing its magic and relaxing me. If only I could take it and my sore, achy self to the big tub and have a soak. Ah well. There'll be time for that next week, when doing so won't make my erstwhile relaxation look like a Carrie rerun.

I look back, and K's sleeping on the blowup bed. We lately moved into the master bedroom, as his mom's finally moved all her stuff out of there. It's nice to have our own bathroom. It's nicer to have that HUGE tub for soaking and a rain shower if we want it. We have a lot more stuff than we ought to, and last night Kenny talked about "cutting down"...which frankly makes me anxious. It's just things, right? Who cares about things? But still, there's that anxiety. I don't want to live in the car. I want a home. But I'll do it anyways, and I won't voice a single complaint. Because I love him.

I look back, and I see him sleeping there. Completely undignified, mouth open a bit, breathing loud enough, but not so loud that it could be considered snoring. His hair's a mess-- predictably-- and he's about a week overdue on a shave. All the same...

I look back, and I get this RUSH of sensation. My breath catches. My throat and chest tighten. Tears prick in the back of my eyes. At the same time, I feel that overwhelming something, making all those little signs by themselves mean...just about the opposite of what they look like on the surface.

It's love, pure and unadulterated. And I think to myself, like I have a million times before, "How the hell did I get so lucky?" Closely following that is a murmured tickle in the back of my mind: "...god, he's so gorgeous."

I thought with some time that this sort of emotional response in me would settle down into something more...sedate. It still hasn't. I wonder, will it ever? Every time I look at him, I become so overawed by...us, by everything. Yeah, the sex has slowed down a bit. We're not teenagers, I guess; humping like bunnies isn't quite so important as "I'm exhausted from sleeping on the floor a month" or "Just not feeling so well today". But the thing that hasn't left is the desire. It's there all the time, lurking away under the surface of me.

I'd do anything. Anything he wanted. Now, surely, but for always, too.

Yesterday, he pinned me to the door and tickled me mercilessly. I protested, gasping for air and laughing all at the same time. I always protest; I can't not, it's just a natural reaction from me. He leaned in and laughed a bit. "What's the trouble? You like being dominated..." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact. 

Hahaha yes, yes I surely do. That little pulse in my neck, pounding away erratically. The feel of whiskers against my cheek, scratching my sensitive skin all red and tender. Hot breath on my neck, accompanied by the sound of his exhalations. The sheer force of his presence looming over me. It's thrilling, pulse-pounding, deep down, and at the same time I feel utterly safe.

I realized, I think, at that point, that this is what I need more of. Maybe I just realized it now. Maybe I haven't thought about it much at all.

He doesn't need to dominate me, see. I go willing like a lamb to the slaughter. ...if a lamb could be tickled to death, of course. Then, I would be just such. At the same time, I suppose I need it, just like I tease and taunt him about his weak little love-slaps. Or any of the other things I do-- like the smarty-mouth lipping comments I tend to make. It's all teases and taunts; maybe I'll get a rise out of him and deserve a good, sound thwap?

...more importantly, would doing so give me more of what I want and need? Can't say as I know the answer to that one. Going to have to give it a bit more thought. Hmmn.

It's the Little Things...

There have been plenty of times I've been rendered somewhat speechless, and this morning is one of those times. Hell, I don't even really know what to say now that I'm sitting and looking at this long blank space.

I'll sum it up the easy way, because I can't come up with anything else.

I love you, Kenny. 

Ten Commandments (How to Fulfill a Submissive Woman)

I found this post through a random search over google and thought it was interesting enough to share. I don't know if the person I got it from swiped it from somewhere else or if it's there's, but I'll throw a little link in there so I'm not plagiarizing anyone. If they're plagiarizing, that's great for them, but I won't do it.

And here we go!

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Ten Commandments (How to Fulfill a Submissive Woman)

1. THOU SHALT PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS OF HER DESIRE: Find and touch her personal, "pleasure points." A sub's Emotional and Physical pleasure points are chinks in her "armor" that allow her to receive erotic pleasure and fulfillment. 

2. THOU SHALT STIMULATE HER SENSES: Looking good is never bad. But women are less visual than Men, so it's vital that you speak to all her senses. Say arousing things, be clean, smell and taste pleasant and remember she is sensitive to touch. Explore the sensual paradise of her body. 

3. THOU SHALT COMPLIMENT HER MEANINGFULLY AND OFTEN: Compliment her body, and she'll be more likely to want to share it with you. Respect her mind, and she'll give you the key to unlock her desires...Just because you've told her you love her once, doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her again--and again. 

4. THOU SHALT ENCOURAGE HER TO SHOW AND TELL WHAT PLEASES HER: Reassure her that it's okay for her to tell you what turns her on. Tell her to masturbate for you and watch her carefully, not just for your own pleasure, but to see how she likes to be touched. 

5. THOU SHALT LISTEN TO HER THOUGHTS: Learn about who she is, what she's been through, in her life, what she needs and what she desires. Talk to her, but most of all, listen to her, and she'll never stop sharing herself with you. Discover the little girl inside your sub. Play with her, and she'll never grow old. 

6. THOU SHALT MAKE HER LAUGH: Amuse your sub, be a fool for love. Laughter is a mental orgasm. If her Master can make her laugh, her soul will be revealed and her mind/body will belong to Him. 

7. THOU SHALT GIVE HER REWARDS AND GIFTS: Every woman since the dawn of time has responded to a gift as if it were an erotic act. Reward her when she is "good" and surprise her at random times. The specific "gift" is not important, it could be emerald earrings, sexy lingerie, a flower plucked from a field, or your emotional support in a crisis. It is the "giving" that will win her heart and soul. 

8. THOU SHALT RADIATE CONFIDENCE AND SENSITIVITY: Master's confidence makes her feel secure. His strength excites her. His sensitivity makes him accessible, warm and lovable. Demonstrate and talk about your feelings. 

9. THOU SHALT UNDERSTAND AND ENJOY FOREPLAY: The key part of foreplay is "play." Be patient and sensual. Tease her mind and body. Learn to kiss, lick, and touch every part of her and allow sufficient time for her to enjoy her pleasure and reach that bliss that she seeks. 

10. THOU SHALT EXPLORE HER DREAMS AND ENCOURAGE HER: Listen and help her to explore and understand her dreams, hopes, and ambitions. Guide and encourage her efforts to achieve her goals. Talk about and explore her sexual fantasies and help her to realize them.

I Married My First Love...

...and it didn't take a piece of paper from the government for me to believe it.

Being with K certainly wasn't my first relationship. I'd been through several, and they usually started out seemingly alright then took a swift turn for the worse. I went the whole legal marriage thing with the wedding and the dress and the stupid marriage license. None of it worked. It didn't work because of one simple fact:

I WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH ANY OF THEM.

K is the first person, and only man, I will ever and have ever truly loved. I knew it before I ever met him that we were meant to be together, and we sealed our dedication in marriage under the eyes of God through planned sexual union for this very purpose. From that first moment, we have been man and wife, and for this reason I say I married my first love.

He is my first, last, and always.

The Key to Sex.

I'll admit it, like everyone else has: I LOVE SEX. I love everything to do with it. The touches, the feeling, the closeness. I can't get enough of it. If K and I both had the fortitude, I could do it all day long, every day for the rest of my life, and live in a serotonin-induced haze of happiness.

It wasn't always this way, however. For most of my life, I viewed sex as something to be endured. I didn't enjoy it all that much, frankly. It was something one just DID when they were in a relationship, and it took me a long time to realize what I was missing, what made the sex SUCK.

What was always missing was love.

Love and spiritual connection are absolutely essential to amazing lovemaking. All my life I THOUGHT I was in love with the men I had sex with. In fact, most of my life I equated love with sex to such a degree that I seriously thought that if a guy wanted to have sex with me on a regular basis (as opposed to a one-nighter), it meant that he loved me. Many other women go through the exact same thing. They equate love with sex. For my part, I was a delusional child, to put it simply.

Love is not sex, but sex is a manifestation of love. Without having real, true love in the equation, sex becomes mindless gratification, and is always ultimately disappointing. Mankind was made for connection, and trying to do without it will always be equally unsatisfying in the end.

Dating Is For Children, Courting Is For Adults.

I've never been one to "date". What is there to this actual concept of dating, actually? Someone spends money to take someone else out somewhere they really don't want to be just so that there's a chance they might get in that other's pants?

There's no room for GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE in dating. It's always about doing something fun or exciting. Whatever happened to just sitting and talking about one's beliefs and values? It's not what fun stuff two people like to do together that makes for a stable relationship. It's not how well they mesh in the sack that does it, either.

Rather, it's getting to know that other person which helps to contribute to a good relationship. Long gone are the days of learning about someone before you want to screw them, because frankly I don't think most people care for the connotation of courting. Courting means getting to know someone with the intent to marry. Why worry about marriage when it's so much more fun to play the field? Is that it?

It sure isn't, but in this immature day and age, only the real adults are smart enough to realize that fun isn't everything.

The "Magic Words": Easy to Say

"I love you" is one of those very tricky phrases. Throughout my life, I've had a variety of men tell me that same thing. It took me a long time to realize that none of them actually meant it. The first one "loved" me because I gave up my virginity to him. The second said it, not because he actually loved me; instead he saw an inherent weakness in me that he could exploit. That guy abused me heavily for seven long, painful years. The one after him? Talked about how he loved me, but what he loved was the idea of having an all-the-time free lay and a slave to clean his house.

It wasn't until I met K that I finally found out what real love was. Beforehand, I merely accepted it, and only said it back because it was the "polite thing" to do. I never really felt it. Factually, I didn't even know what love was, what it looked or felt like. Now that I have something to compare it to, it's so easy to see how shallow all the other relationships of my past were. In looking back, too, it makes me appreciate what I have now even more.

True Love Online? ...It Can Happen!

I never thought in a million years that I'd end up falling in love with someone I met over one of those stupid internet dating sites. I'd joined up just looking for friends, for someone I might have something in common with. Having just moved 1300 miles, I knew no one, and loneliness was already starting to eat at me.

Then I stumbled across HIS profile, and as I read through it, I realized what an amazingly intelligent man this was. I decided to take the initiative and sent him a message saying that I enjoyed his profile and just what I thought of it. Within days, we were messaging each other through the site for hours, then it went to instant messaging, then on the telephone for six or more hours at a stretch, until finally we decided to meet.

We already knew we were meant for each other before we met. When we finally did, it was with the idea of cementing that knowledge through sexual union under the eyes of God. In doing so, we found ourselves truly blessed, and have been closer than anyone I've ever known in every way imaginable.

Touch.

Touch is a natural, necessary human need. Even scientists say that if a baby is tended to physically in every way-- food, clothing, shelter-- but not touched, they will fail to thrive and will just wither away. I used to think that I didn't need it. In fact, for the bulk of my adult life, I despised it when people touched me. It make me so uncomfortable my skin would crawl. This made relationships rather difficult, especially romantic ones. When I married my now-ex husband, I thought that by getting married, that this feeling would go away.

It did not, and it took several more years before I understood why.

The reason for it was lack of love. I did not love him, and furthermore I realized that I hadn't loved a single person I've ever been with in a sexual way, ever. What a startling thing to figure out when one's just hit the huge milestone of thirty years old!

Of course, I didn't realize what was wrong with it until I actually FOUND that true love. I never imagined a day where I would love someone so deeply that their simply looking at me would give me shivers of delight, or that a simple hug or other gentle touch would bring up waves of ecstasy all over my body. In finding K, I found that, and now I understand why so many people crave touch.

It's hopelessly addicting.

Surrendering.

I have never read the book (where the term "surrendered" comes from), but it doesn't take rocket science to realize when one has found a kindred spirit, or that I don't find some value in the concept.

I have always been submissive by nature, but only recently did I find a man worthy enough to surrender myself to. It has been The Most Joyous thing that's ever happened to me. There's so much freedom in being allowed to be myself and to give in to him. I'm like a sapling, bending against the force of the wind. I'm a planet, and he is my sun. I can't help but find myself drawn to him and revolving around him. It feels so natural, so perfect, so right.

He never expects me to not have a mind of my own, although I do naturally demure to him. I am not a doormat, weak-willed, lazy, or lacking in intelligence. He loves me for my whole, and doesn't pick me apart to decide how I should behave. He understands that I find words of love far more difficult to express than doing so through my actions, and he's alright with that because it's simply a part of me. When I need correction, he will be there to help me. When I feel overemotional and clingy, he'll never push me away.

I finally feel free to be myself, for the first time in my life.

Feminism.

Most people would probably say that I am one of those traditional sort of people. I believe that the best place for a woman is in her home with her children, and it's a man's responsibility to support his family. Now, I understand completely that in this day and age it's very difficult to make ends meet. We're no longer in the 50s, where mom can stay at home and dad can go to work and come home from his 9 to 5. However, if it's possible, I don't see why it shouldn't be that way.

As I was growing up, I was always told "Don't let people drag you down for being a woman. You can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want to do." The part that they seemed to have forgotten to mention is that I could be whatever I wanted SO LONG AS I DID WHAT THEY WANTED, WHICH IS TO GET MY ASS IN GEAR AND HAVE A HIGH PAYING CAREER.

What I did and always have wanted was to be a stay at home mother, but in this society more often than not SAHMs are considered too lazy to work, uncaring and unmindful of the hard work that their mates put in to support their family. They're often espoused as sitting around the house all day, eating bon-bons and watching daytime soaps. Factually, this is rarely true at all. I know it's certainly not the case for me!

Working out of the home is a woman's choice, just like any other choice, and I'd never like to see that taken away. There were a couple of good things that came from the women's movement (one of them being suffrage), but I personally believe that so many families throwing their children into day care has done a lot of harm to society. I think working it out so that a mother can raise her children herself would be of tremendous benefit to all of society.

You can't do it, you say? Too many bills, not enough income without the two paychecks? Try cutting back. Try living more frugally. Use coupons. Shop wisely. Take only one vacation a year instead of two. Cut up those credit cards. Stop borrowing money. Stop feeling the need to have whatever is current and new NOW instead of saving up for it. It's not hard to do, but many Americans wouldn't even bother trying. They're happy with their lives, or at least they think they are.

I sit outside sometimes in the evenings and watch the neighbors pull in from work. They come with their two brand new cars, shuttling their preschool-aged children from daycare into the house. I've never once seen these people play outside with their kids. Hell, sometimes I didn't even realize they had kids for months! How can they think they have the good life when their children are growing up without them, spending every day from seven in the morning till six at night with someone else? I don't know. I just don't think it's right or fair to both parents or their children. Maybe they don't see any other way to do it.

I just find it incredibly sad.

The Paper Means Nothing.

I used to be one of those girls that sat and daydreamed all day long about what my perfect wedding would look like. What would I wear? Who would attend? What would be the color scheme? The list goes on and on. When I got around to my "real" wedding, it was nothing like I'd hoped for, and for that matter, neither was the marriage. When I decided to end it (for a variety of reasons), I determined that I would never marry again, nor would I ever go looking for love.

Yes, I was disenfranchised, but it's to be expected when all my fantasies were nothing but crap in the face of a "real" marriage.

I gave up hope for awhile, not realizing that my expectations about relationships weren't really that high. Beforehand, I'd thought that I could never have the total package and everything that goes along with it. I was so hung up on that piece of paper that I didn't realize what actually constitute a REAL marriage...until I met K.

Finding him came completely out of the blue. I hadn't really been looking; all I wanted was to find someone that I shared interests with, on a purely intellectual basis. And then it blew up into something far bigger, and frankly, it scared me. But we talked about it and discussed our feelings until all hours of the night until I felt a lot better about Falling and Being In Love. Once I felt free to love again, then I experienced it for the first time, with him.

We spent a lot of time talking about the nature of relationships and what makes a marriage. K suggested to me that it isn't the piece of paper that makes a marriage. The piece of paper is from man, a license to wed going against what should otherwise be a completely spiritual experience. He asserted that marriage is a contract between two lovers and God, and that sexual union should never be entered into lightly. In fact, it should only be entered into with the idea that the one you make love with is your intended one and only, and in doing so you declare before God that this person is your mate, for all time.

I spent awhile thinking about that. It wasn't hard for me to realize that there was some undeniable truth hidden there, right in plain sight. I thought about all the relationships I'd had over the course of my adult life. I let my hormones rule my body without my heart being in it, resulting in less than satisfactory results. I even tried sex purposefully without "strings", or "friends with benefits", with the thought that I didn't need to have emotion involved to have "a good time", and it resulted in self-loathing, dissatisfaction, and disgust of my person. I realized that part of the reason they all failed so badly was because the proper motivation for sex just wasn't there.

K and I talked a lot about meeting, and on the first day we did, we went in with the intent to solidify our dedication to each other through sexual union under the eyes of God. It was very much planned, as opposed to being a spontaneous heat of the moment event resulting in yet more dissatisfaction. Some might say that all the magic was taken out of the act through all the planning we did before we went into it, but I found it to be very much the opposite. It was a very spiritual experience, and we both came away solidly feeling that our union would be blessed by God for approaching the matter of sex in that very same profound, spiritual way.

And it has.

I don't believe for one moment that the piece of paper is enough to make one "feel" married. Marriage comes from God as our higher power, not the local government. I learned this, clearly, through all the experiences of my life, and only after realizing the truth have I come to have true happiness.

A Course of Events.

It isn't hard for me to see that everything I've done in my life has shaped me and moved me to the place where I am now, all of it toward the person I'm meant to be with forever. If I never would've stayed in the abusive relationship so long, I wouldn't have had my son. If I hadn't married my ex for all the wrong reasons, I wouldn't have ever become so disgusted with where I lived to take that leap of faith and move halfway across the country. If I weren't so lonely and lacking in friends, I never would've joined the online site where I met HIM. I can't imagine any two people being more perfect and right for each other.

I knew we were meant to be before we even met in person, and how it scared me! It's too early, I thought. I'm rebounding. I don't want to fall in love so hard and so fast. It took HIM to make me realize that there was nothing wrong with the quickness of our affection. Who are we, really, to go against what was starting to look more and more like the hand of God in our lives? He asserted that if I fell in love with him, it wouldn't scare him off...and I believed him.

It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life.

Not so long after, I sent him the lyrics and a link to a youtube video of this song. It perfectly expresses us without the need for any more words. He can't stand country music, but when he listened to it and read the words, he cried. I know I sure did.

---

God Blessed the Broken Road
-Rascall Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.