21 November 2011

Loving the Husband More Than the Kids Is Key to Good Life

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.
Read the rest HERE.

16 November 2011

Bear With Me.

One of my great faults is being never satisfied. Those few people who come to this blog likely noticed this in me as I consistently and constantly keep changing the layout, look, and color scheme of the blog.

I'm pleased to say that I'm finally and generally pretty happy with how it looks now. I can't foresee changing it much for a little while aside from tiny little tweaks here and there.

Good luck to me, and thank you to those of you who have been putting up with my wishy-washiness!

15 November 2011


One of the things I noticed-- rather recently, to my chagrin-- is how I react when I feel insecure. It's not that I didn't realize it, but rather that I didn't realize what it meant. 

It's hard to admit to oneself that you are insecure to begin with, and it's something that I've suffered with a lot over the course of my life. I have always held myself to an impossible standard, something that I could never follow. I want to be always on the right side of things. I never want to be a disappointment or a failure in any aspect of my life. What I seek in myself is perfection, and of course, I ALWAYS fall short of it. No one is perfect. I know this, as does everyone else; and yet the fact remains that I still want myself to be this way...and when I'm not, I find I disappoint myself.

Of course, perfection being what it is, I find that I am constantly disappointing myself. Because of this, I have a deep-seated fear that by being a disappointment to myself that I must therefore also be a disappointment to my loved ones. There is no greater fear to me than disappointing my HOH. It literally goes well above and beyond any other fear that I might ever have, and causes a significant amount of insecurity in me.

It's a sad thing that I can easily recognize my own insecurities, and yet I feel as though I have absolutely no control over them. I understand that my need to be/seem/appear perfect in all matters is irrational at best. Yet at the same time, I cannot stop myself from thinking and feeling this way no matter how hard I try to convince myself I can. 

I constantly and consistently set myself up for disappointment, and in this one thing I never let myself down. I see the littlest disappointments internally and they by their very nature become huge and irreconcilable to me.

I suppose at the least it's a good thing that I understand this part of myself. If I didn't, I can imagine that I would spend my life moody, disappointed, and depressed and have absolutely no idea why. Usually I can spot these sort of emotional trends coming a mile away, even if I'm powerless to stop it happening.

While I do know what the cause of the bulk of my insecurities were, my largest one over all of these is even more simple: I feel that I cannot control myself and my emotions. This is a source of deep disgust and self-loathing to me, and naturally by proxy I find it hard to imagine myself a loveable person if I feel so deeply disgusted in myself. If I cannot love myself, in essence, why ought anyone else, ever? 

Coming close on the heels of that is the fact that I have a deep, undeniable need to know that I am loved, even if I hate myself on many occasions...which is where I come down to the topic at hand.

My reaction to my own self-loathing and disgust is usually tears. I get angry and frustrated at my own stupidity, for saying or doing whatever stupid thing that got me along those lines to begin with. I all at once feel the need to withdraw. I am unloveable to everyone because I do not love myself, I feel.

Yet at the same time, I always find myself turning toward my HOH. He gives me the reassurance that even if I err and do something horribly stupid, he still loves me and is happy with me. Not necessarily my actions, but my person. While I desire to retreat and turn inward, shunning contact with others, at the same time I long for emotional support and physical touch. Nothing stills me faster than being held, because the act itself tells my subconscious, "What you did or said might not be okay, but I'm okay with you." 

Because of this innate need to feel secure and loved, even when I don't feel that I deserve it, I find that the more insecure I feel, the more I long to touch, to hold and be held. Most of the time I cannot express myself. There may not be words attached with all these crazy emotions, or if there are, I may find myself too tongue-tied to get them out. But I know that I can at least express myself in this way. 

My fear in this area is, perhaps, in being found out...although I'll be found out anyhow, considering my HOH reads this. The fact of the matter is that I'm transparent as a pane of glass, and to me it's shameful that I can have just figured this out when I'm positive that he already knows this is my reaction to stress, doubt, and insecurity. 

And yet, here's the truth of the matter: I'm a woman, I'm emotional, and I'm frequently insecure, and the only cure for it is his unconditional love. My saving grace is that he understands the nature of a woman and accepts me for who I am and what I feel.

14 November 2011

Living In a Morally Defunct Society

It doesn't take a PH.D to look around today and see that something is genuinely wrong with society. There have been a variety of "controversies" that have sparked debate across the country lately, but they are just the tip of the iceberg compared to all that is wrong with the human race in today's day and age. Moral ambiguity is at an all-time high, and this is presented to me with a quote from the man who most Christians consider the ultimate authority of good versus evil in the world: the Pope.

Last year, during his Christmas sermon, Pope Benedict XVI is quoted as saying this shocking statement:

"It was maintained - even within the realm of Catholic theology - that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a 'better than' and a 'worse than'. Nothing is good or bad in itself."
This statement was included in his sermon while at the same time preaching from God's alleged pulpit that pedophilia and child pornography was considered "normal" as far back as the 1970s. It certainly does say something about the standards of morality in our world today, doesn't it?

With an organization as far-reaching as the Catholic Church taking stands such as these, it's no wonder that morality is in a free-fall across the globe! Recently, riots have rocked Pennsylvania State University over allegations that one of the former coaches engaged in sexual acts and rape of young boys from as far back as the 70s. The riots had nothing to do with the fact that this man used his position of authority to brutalize children. 

No, of course not. In today's modern society of sports worship, the student body of Penn State was more concerned in showing support for the current coach, who was told by several different people that his assistant was engaging in these practices and instead of reporting it to the police, DID NOTHING. They were more concerned over the prospect that their school might suspend college football than the fact that one of their "beloved" coaches raped preteen boys, apparently regularly, too.

And for those human beings who hold no values or moral standards today and would like to be whores on a slightly different level? We have Ashleymadison.com, a website any married person can join to find others to cheat on with! As the site's motto declares, "Life is short. Have an affair"! Indeed, who cares about the marital vows you spoke before God and witnesses, especially when you want to get your rocks off?

Over ELEVEN MILLION people are subscribed to the above site...which has been featured in media such as TIME magazine, BusinessWeek, Sports Illustrated, and Maxim, and on many television talk shows, including the Tyra Banks Show.

Is it really any wonder that child murder-- I mean, abortion rates have soared? Is it any wonder that murder, rape, and child abuse are commonplace today? Is it any wonder that nobody really cares that we're blowing up little children in the Middle East all for the sake of "democracy"? 

There are no longer moral standards nor absolute truth. Everything in life, every single event for the average human being, is having what you want, is doing what you want RIGHT NOW without regard for the consequences or whether it's right.

Is it so hard to maintain moral standards when everything around us is supersaturating us with the idea that right and wrong are "relative"? Apparently this seems to be the case. Americans (and no doubt humans the world over) are led by the nose by social standards, the media, their religious organizations, and anything else that one can think of. Most people can't be bothered to think past their warped views of right and wrong. We live in a Pavlovian society: whatever gives me pleasure or reward is right, and whatever makes me unhappy is wrong. Everything is skewed toward ideals of perception, without morals.

Our country, and yes, our WORLD as well, needs to see a reformation, a return to standards of morality in every aspect of our lives. No one would likely disagree that our world is in a terrible place today, with crimes of all kind running rampant. The part that is truly striking is that most people only care about crimes of any kind when the crime itself effects them directly. Weren't abused or molested as a child? Oh well. Just care about the poor coach and your football season. Not happy in your marriage? Oh well. Don't try and work it out through counseling, or heaven forbid, God's-honest communication! Just screw around on them! Having a baby is inconvenient right now? It's alright, just murder your child through abortion!

Until the day comes when people return to a system of absolute truth, the morally upright people of this world will continue to cringe at the above statements and many more like them, while those that commit these crimes will continue on with them, happy that the media has taught them to justify their crimes and release the burden of guilt they should have. It's a sad and disgusting truth about this world, one that all right-minded people hope to see ended one day.


Vatican Christmas Shocker! Pope says child rape isn't that bad, was normal back in his day

Survivors of sexual abuse appalled by Penn State unrest

 Ashley Madison

04 November 2011

In Response

I wrote this in reply to a topic on one of my mom's groups. I figured considering it's on this same subject as is so near and dear to my heart, that I'd post it here as well.

Here's a topic that's very close to my heart! I've stated my opinion on this at least a couple times, I'm sure, but I'm game to have a go at it again.

It's pretty plain from my sig that I do identify as a submissive wife. I mean, it's right there. I blog about it whenever I get the urge to post something regarding this topic. Like many of the other ladies, I will agree that there's a huge misconception in regards to what the term submissive actually is. In truth, it's a lot of things. There are those, like one of the mamas above, who consider it to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle. There are those who consider it to be a part of their duty as good Christian women and wives. And then...there's me, I guess.

I consider myself submissive. I follow my husband's lead in all matters. I feel that it gives me a great degree of freedom, and I feel far more free from worry than I have in my entire life, up till now. I'm happy to be a stay at home mother. I clean the house, I spend five hours a day schooling my child. I make sure the dog is out and that he's enough food and water. I get the mail in and run errands to the store and elsewhere. We cook meals together, because I know that I'm no good at grilling, which we do a lot. We put up the dishes together, and make sure that they're run through the washer. Laundry is my domain. It's not that DH can't do it...he's done it for years on his own after the dissolution of his previous marriage. Fact of the matter is, I'm MUCH better at it, and furthermore, it gives me pleasure to be good at what I do. If it's simply something like cleaning, or doing the laundry, or whatever the case may be, I get TREMENDOUS joy in knowing that in doing these things, I keep my household running smoothly and that I make my husband happy.

To me, there is no greater task in this world than seeing to the needs of my family and house. It makes me extremely happy to know that I'm doing a good job, and I'm told so by my DH all the time. Just like any person would be happy to receive praise at work for a job well done, so too do I. I LOVE to do little things for my husband: I get him his drinks, I rub his back or his feet when they hurt, I make sure that the table is always laid and ready for dinner. And you know what? He's ALWAYS appreciative of that! I am a forever-worrier; everything bothers me and makes me worry...and one of the things I worry over is whether I show him enough that I love him. I'm not incredibly verbally expressive, but he always maintains that through my actions he can easily see that I do love him...which in turn causes me to worry less about it and feel more secure.

I don't choose submissiveness because I am a weak-willed woman. It's something entirely natural and normal for me. I've been submissive by nature for my entire life, ever since I was a child. Consider it the opposite of the classic Type-A personality, if you'd like. I'm not pushy, I don't enjoy the spotlight. I don't enjoy being the one in charge. I prefer to be the person in the background, getting what needs to be done, done without any rewards or applause for it.

Yes, I do think that submissiveness is a choice. No dominant man could ever actually be allowed to be dominant if his woman refuses to submit to him. To me, giving the gift of submission to my husband is my ultimate gift to him: it shows that I hold him in tremendous esteem, that I trust him implicitly above ALL other men. I feel more comfortable with myself, far stronger and more secure, because of the nature of our relationship.

I've tried doing it both ways. In my previous marriage, I desired to be a SAHM, to raise children and mind the house. My ex was fine with having a house slave, but that's really just what he thought of our "marriage". It took me a while to realize it, but he thought that marriage was having someone to do everything for him while he worked. He thought it was all about him working, and doing nothing else, then coming home and having sex with me whether I liked it or not. He wasn't dominant at all; in fact, he demurred to me in EVERYTHING. At first I liked it. I liked being in charge and having a man give me what I want, whenever I wanted it. But after a short time, it began to wear and tear on me. I realized through observing his behavior that he's not a strong man at all. I lost all respect for him, and between that and a variety of other things, that was the beginning of the end of that marriage for me.

When I left him, I was already so disenfranchised with the "wimpy man" type (which he was in spades, video game obsession included!), that I was determined to stay single forever. It wasn't until I found Kenny that I realized that our plans can often go awry, and often for the best of reasons. Where my ex was weak, in Kenny I found a strong man, one who was opinionated and highly intelligent. Before we ever met, I KNEW he was the one for me. Being with him makes me feel like a stronger person and a more confident woman. I trust him COMPLETELY. I don't worry about him making the wrong decision for our family, because I know his mind, and his morals, and his way of thinking. We are in accord in everything in our lives, and I mean EVERYTHING. When you have this kind of confidence in your man, it makes it very easy to allow him to take charge and be the leader.

The way I see it (feel free to bash me, if you will) is that it's the "equal partnership" relationships which are harder to make work. In every aspect of nature, there is a leader and a follower. Look in business: someone must be the boss, and someone must be the employee. Look in the animal world: one must be the pack leader, and the rest followers. These sorts of examples go on and on.

It seems to me that this pattern is one of Natural Order, and it oughtn't be messed with. Someone must lead. How can two people BOTH be the leaders in a household? It would be nothing but a power struggle till the end of time, with constant arguements and fighting over who gets to be in charge, over whose ideas and decisions are the right ones.

Perhaps I'm getting a tad off track of the subject, but this is the way that I see a naturally dominant/submissive relationship. It's just a part of the Natural Order of the world. I don't need god to tell me so, because I can clearly see it evident in almost every facet of the world around me. In fact, I'd venture to say (for those of us who are religious or Christian) that since God created everything, how he would like us to interact in our own personal relationships should be as obvious as observing the world around us. For thousands-- or more-- of years, it was the man's responsibility to lead, to protect his family, and to provide for their support. It was the woman's responsibility to see to the home, to the comfort of her family, and to the raising of children. Somewhere along the line all that went awry. I just figure that, for myself and in my relationship, that we're following a time-tested and proven method that WORKS.

It might not work for everyone, but it doesn't hurt trying. After all, I can't think of many other people I know in my personal life that can claim and have it said true that they NEVER fight or even argue with their spouse. Even my own mother tried to tell me that my relationship is WRONG because I maintain that we never fight. She says that EVERYONE fights, which makes us apparently abnormal.

If that's the case, I'm glad to be in the abnormal minority.