In Defense of Godly Submission

This is my response on a forum in relation to the topic of Godly / Biblical Submission. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I consider it to be one of the most important things that is lacking in most relationships in this day and age. I truly feel that more women would be happier in their marriages if they would just give in to God...and submit to their worthy husbands.

And so, I wrote the below:

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I have written on the topic of submission so many times now that I don't even know where to begin! lol

I'm a very firm believer in Godly headship, and that women are to submit to their husband's authority. The husband, in turn, must answer to Christ and ultimately God for the health, safety, and well-being of his family-- not only spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally as well. A man who is abusive or uses Godly submission as an excuse to trod upon his wife IS NOT DESERVING OF HEADSHIP.

IMO, the key to being able to submit to Godly authority-- and therefore to your husband-- means having a husband WORTHY of submitting to!

A Godly man that does his best to be all that he has to be to ensure the happiness and safety of his family. He works hard, takes care of his children, leads his family spiritually. He is a strong man and therefore he makes it easier for a Godly woman to submit to him.

Much like any company or institution, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE PERSON IN ULTIMATE AUTHORITY. There is a President and a Vice-President, but the President is always the higher authority, the end-all, be-all of decision-making.

No business can be run when every moment is a power-struggle, when every executive decision made is constantly questioned and nitpicked and second-guessed. All this sort of behavior will do is start to make the President second-guess his every move...and eventually he won't want to make a decision at all, his self-confidence being completely shattered because no one is confident IN him.

Does that mean that the President does not ever CONSULT his VP? No, of course not. They should have calm, rational discussions on a day-to-day basis regarding the runnings of the business. They should not let their wants and emotions get in the way of reaching a decision, but do what is best for the entire company.

Ephesians 5:25-33

King James Version (KJV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The bible does not tell husbands to SUBJUGATE their wives, nor does it say that wives must tolerate abusive, controlling behaviors. It does not say that men must schedule out every waking moment of their wife's life.

The bible COMMANDS men to love their wives as their own body! So clearly, they would be going against God's expressed commands if they were to abuse the trust their submissive wife has placed in them!

I do have a mind. I have thoughts and opinions. I have beliefs. And I can and DO express all those things to my husband-- who IS my Head of Household. And you know what? Because he is worthy of my submission, he listens to every word I say and takes my counsel into account before he goes and makes huge decisions that will effect our relationship or our entire family.

Does he tell me what I should wear every day? What we should eat? How I should do my hair (or in my case, mandate that I cover)? What we should buy at the store? ...and on and on and on? Heck, no! He trusts me enough to know that I am perfectly capable of presenting myself as a good, wholesome, modest, feminine woman. He trusts me enough to know that as his wife, companion, and household steward, that I know more about running the house and other things of importance than he does! And when/if I'm unable to perform my role as a homemaker (such as if I'm ill, or like now, when I'm unfortunately working and he's laid off)...well, he just asks me how I think he should do it!

A real man would never be afraid to ask his woman how to do anything. As the Head of the Household, it is his responsibility to ensure that he knows ALL the functions of the house, his own responsibilities as well as mine.

I think the rub lies in what people think "SUBMISSIVE" actually means. It's been so twisted and distorted and given such a negative connotation that there is always this massive knee-jerk reaction whenever the word is even casually mentioned. You can thank (or rather, blame) feminism for that one.

Through searching the scriptures for the actual TRUTH, people can come to learn what REAL submission means and how they should live their lives in a God-fearing manner.

What is Being a Submissive Wife?

I wrote the forthcoming little snippet on the 11th of January of this year in one of my mom's groups and just happened to stumble across it by accident. Once I reread back over it and realized that it needs to be re-posted somewhere where it can get more exposure.

Some of these things have changed-- especially in the realm of my staying at home, because I now work-- but it's still pertinent and I've left it in its entirety without changing anything.

So here goes!

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To me, being a woman submitting to one's husband is a matter of following Natural Order-- the rules of the universe given to us by our Creator to live by. Since the dawn of time, this is how it's been, and only ever changed until very recently. It makes absolutely no sense to me to live the way people do now. The constant struggle for power over the relationship and always wondering who is in charge is asinine at best. It's no wonder children are growing up nowadays not knowing what role they are to play in life!

In a sense, I do follow my HOH in a biblical way, too, although I don't do so because I'm a Christian. I'm actually not, although I do believe in Jesus Christ, his message, and God's all-encompassing love. I just firmly believe that the bible taught us that families should be ordered this way simply because it is Natural for us to do so...or, if you want to put it biblically, because God wants us to live this way. Since God is the Maker of All Things, following the biblical standards set forth is simply True, Right, and Natural, because he is the Creator of everything and therefore all Natural Laws belong to God. ...if you can follow my roundabout logic! 

My position is that if it worked so well for so long with the man being the head of the household, it oughtn't have ever been changed in the first place. 

I am a natural submissive in the realm of the classic 50s style housewife. I love to cook and clean, and especially love taking care of my man. I prefer to stay at home to do this, and he prefers it as well. Submitting is easy for me because my HOH makes it very easy for me to do: he's hardworking, extremely trustworthy, caring, loving, considerate, and strong. He always thinks of his family first before worrying about himself. His morals are unshakable, and he has not and never will give me cause to doubt him.

Stress and Staying Focused: A Rant

 Yes, I'm about to rant a little.

The title basically says it all, only "staying focused" is often a lot more difficult than people tend to think. I'm talking here about focusing on what matters.

Lately, my life has been revolving around one simple thing: THE JOB. 

Yeah, I like my job. I love that I get to help people experience something that's helped myself and many, many others (for those that do not know, I work retail selling electronic cigarettes-- it's helped me and so many other people quit smoking cigarettes). I love the fact that I've gotten promoted. I enjoy responsibility and am a highly organized person, so being assistant manager (or second key, as they call it; a term typically used to make people do more while not getting the extra pay for that responsibility) is perfect for me. I also do enjoy my coworkers-- most of the time. I love talking to people and seeing them walk out of the store happy. I especially love it when they come in looking for me because they were so happy with me, my personality, and how they were treated in my store.

Me in a nutshell.

What I don't like about the whole deal is the stress. The working environment is often stressful. What I don't like is that the stress is the result of the trickle-down effect: I'm stressed because my manager is stressed because HIS boss has the Big Wigs breathing down his neck. Would this job normally be stressful? I don't believe so, but because of that trickle-down, it sure is getting to be more and more every day.

What I don't like is the commute. Forty-five minutes one way, twice a day, absolutely sucks! I hate the fact that I'm anxious in traffic, that we only have one car, and that K. has to drive me back and forth or he won't have a car for himself and my son should something happen. 

I also hate the fact that moving "closer" to work-- and thereby lessening my commute time-- would mean moving into the city when we desire to get as FAR away from it and its bad influences as possible! I therefore have no other choice but to commute...or deal with city life, which is something we're absolutely not going to do.

What I don't like is the fact that I'm simply not used to working a "real job" anymore. Do I have a physically demanding job? No. But it is mentally stressful, and I end up absolutely exhausted by the end of each working day, no matter how long or short it is. 

Stress adversely affects me in a very physical way, and lack of proper sleep does the same. Just yesterday, I worked nearly twelve hours solid (a last minute "schedule change", don'tcha know) and ended up spending half of last night nauseous and sick as a dog as a result.

When I pray now? It's "Please, God, don't let Big Boss Guy be a complete and utter a-hole today, because I can't handle it right now!", not being thankful for everything great and wonderful I have in my life. Those amazing stay-up-till-all-hours-talking-God-with-my-lover nights? Too tired to make it more than half an hour now...and that half an hour usually ends up with me, bitching about WORK.

Not only that, but I feel like I'm losing time with my family, too. I force myself to stay awake much longer than feels comfortable and healthy every night after I come home from work because I'm not getting that close contact I need to keep on keeping on. 

K. says that it's still being together even when I'm sleeping (and I do get that concept), but I personally would far prefer his company while conscious. I want to be able to talk and tickle and laugh and play...not to spend that minimal quality time drooling onto my pillow. 

Going along with that is the fact that I feel like our sexual relationship is suffering because I'm too physically tired all week long to bother. Not that I don't want it, because I sure do! I'm just kind of at the point where I'm so thoroughly tired I go to sleep and hope I dream about sex. Hell, most days I'm too damn tired to even bother shaving my legs, never mind letting my man see them, or heaven forbid, get between them!

Of course, that's not saying I have or would ever deny my man physical intimacy. I just know that he's far too conscientious about how I feel and my needs to ask me or initiate anything when he knows how tired I am.

On my days off...? Well, judge for yourself. Here I am, on my day off, bitching about WORK.

So I come home exhausted all the time and constantly thinking about work: what I like about work, what I don't like about work, what this customer said, what my boss said, and on and on and on. I can't turn my brain off this garbage, and I know for sure that it's affecting me.

What I need to do is get focused again. Yes, I'm working right now. Is it the ideal situation for our family dynamic? Not really, no; but it's what we've been handed right now. 

I need to learn to keep my work AT WORK. I want to have more energy so that I can spend more time with my beloved and my child. It's hard to keep that balance, I know. But I think my first step in finding balance is staying focused on what's the most important thing to me.

Is The Job the most important thing to me? Hell, no. If it were gone tomorrow, yes, it would suck...but it surely wouldn't be the end of the world. There are other jobs out there to be had. 

In my life, "what matters" is my spirituality, my HOH, and my son. These are the things I need to get back into focus. I want to get back to praying because I love my life and my God, not to bitch about what's going wrong or ask for help! I want to have the energy to spend quality time with my family. I want to feel intimate with my HOH again!

The job is incidental. It's a tool to help me support my family. And I'll be damned if it becomes the driving force in my life! 

I will not allow myself to be absorbed into the proverbial collective and lose my entire life and existence to a paycheck and some company that doesn't give a flying crap about me, my welfare, or my family! 

It's just not worth it.

Modesty in an Immodest World

When most people think of modesty, what do they think of?

That's a loaded question, because of course people think all kinds of things. I know when I reached my later teens and early twenties, I had a rather negative viewpoint of modesty. I was raised to be modest, you see, and once I left my father's home I decided I would simply do what I want. Skirts below my knees? Not on your life! High-collared shirts? Oh, hell no! I was woman, hear me roar...and all that other nonsense.

When I was that age, I decided to go against much of what I was taught in matters of looks and appearance. It was rebellion on my part, and I thank God that I'm smart enough to not have been a REAL rebel and get myself into illegal drugs or binge drinking, as so many young adults do in this day and age. No, my rebellion was in how I looked, and by God, I was going to do what I wanted and dress how I wanted.

So, yeah. I showed up at nightclubs at the age of twenty-one wearing little more than a fishnet dress, thong, over-bust corset, and knee-high stiletto boots. Pretty much everything I had was on display for everyone to see...and I did get a LOT of looks. How could I not?

Did I love the attention it got me? ...not so much.

Instead of feeling free, beautiful, and desired, fully in charge of my femininity and the burden of responsibility cast off...I kind of felt like crap. I felt like a slab of meat. Men's eyes were on me everywhere I went in that club, and I knew EXACTLY what they were thinking. They didn't even HAVE to undress me in their head. Hell, I did it for them! Get them a little too drunk, and I could've faced a really bad situation. Thank you, God, that nothing more than a few errant drunken gropes happened. 

Rather than making me feel good, this behavior-- this acting out-- made me feel cheap and sleazy.

Damnit. Those feminists lied to me...again!

Modesty sans frumpiness!

Nowadays? I'm older and wiser. Fortunately. I've thrown off the feminist propaganda that tells me I can damn well do what I please and damn the consequences of my actions...and in doing so I've gotten back to my roots. I'm generally conservative in nature to begin with (how I ended up half-naked at a club making out with girls and having a couple too many I can't even imagine now!), but my spiritual path is taking me even further than I was raised to be.

Why be modest, though? Is there really anything wrong with wearing a tank top and short shorts? I mean...I live in FLORIDA, the United States capital of God-awful summer heat! I SHOULD be able to bend the "rules" I've got in my head of what is modest and immodest...right?

Not so much. At least, not for me. To me, modesty is about respect. It's respect for myself, for my relationship with my HOH, and for God.

• Dressing in a trashy way with lots of skin showing isn't respectful to myself. It feels as though I don't value myself. I don't want to be one of those women who get ahead in life because they wear miniskirts and let their breasts hang half out. Let me instead be judged (if you will) based on my OWN merits...not by how I look. I want my children to grow up knowing that I respect myself. I want them to learn from my example and not make the same mistakes I have.
• I take a great amount of pride in my relationship. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm submissive to my HOH naturally; it doesn't take any effort on my part whatsoever. I consider the fact that how I dress is not only a reflection on me, but it also is a reflection on HIM and our relationship. I have respect and deep, deep love for him and our relationship, and I aim to show it through my style of dress. My body is his to see...and his alone. I am not for public display.
• God created us all beautiful, in our way. I wouldn't cover myself up in ugly sacks and say "This is what God wants from me!", waving around my piousness like a badge of honor. I'm a humble person...but I still want to be pretty. God made women to be beautiful, so just because I won't wear tank-tops anymore and prefer long skirts does NOT mean I am all of a sudden going to wear ugly clothes. News flash: I can wear bright colors and lively patterns on my clothes and STILL look modest!

Of course, not everyone will agree with this, and I don't really care one way or the other if they do or not. I know how I feel when I dress modestly, in long skirts and dresses.

I feel feminine.

I feel pretty.

I feel confident.

I feel respectful AND respected.

To me, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing at all...

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To see the kinds of styles I enjoy, feel free to follow me on Pinterest, my second best hobby! 

 

The above photo is courtesy of Gal Meets Glam.

Viewpoints on Spirituality.

It's funny how a span of only a few months can see huge changes come to a person and manifest in the world. In my last post, I talked about how I felt lead toward covering my head and dressing more modesty for submissive and spiritual reasons. In fact, I prefaced it with the idea that I never intended this blog to be full of my spiritual musings at all. I'd truly wanted it to be so that each and every submissive-- regardless of what manner of sub they are-- would be able to find something of value to themselves on my blog.

But...things change. 

The older I get, the more I realize that I'm sort of doing it wrong. Submissiveness is about and ought to be about spirituality, first and foremost above all else. If it's not about spirituality, then it's about sexual pleasure...and what God wants from us out of life is not simply reacting to pleasure and pain.

Last September, I wrote a lengthy post on here about why I was trying to keep religion out of my writings. The post was called Submission vs. Religion, and it can be found here. I find it kind of funny that, in reading back over it, while I was asserting that religion / spirituality ought not necessarily have a place in submissiveness...at the same time, all my arguments were FOR submissiveness as a natural trait God asks of humans!

My post was very contradictory on the whole, and let me quickly just point out why. In it, I asserted from the very beginning that because I don't agree with ALL of the teachings laid out in the bible, I don't need the bible to tell me how my life should be lived whatsoever. I said that I could clearly see from the way the universe works that natural submission is normal and derived from God.

And it IS true. Submission IS evident throughout our world. However...why was I saying that I didn't need the bible to tell me so?

It wasn't because it was not true. It was, and is, very true. I was doing so because somewhere inside of me, I still had that faint resistance toward organized religion, which was manifesting itself in a distrust of the words in the bible.

But the bible also tells us that "You will recognize them by their fruits." (Matt. 7:16a) So, too, we can recognize the BIBLE ITSELF by its fruit, the fruit being the grain of Truth that is found there.

Therefore, it's sound to reason that if the bible shows how headship ought to be arranged and it's also in line with Natural Order...it's ordained by God, who itself created Natural Order, making the admonition in 1 Corinthians 11:3-- "that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God"-- a natural, simple Truth.

Is the above roundabout logic? Perhaps. But it is true nonetheless, and in a lot of ways it's making me rethink my spirituality.

How did I get to headcovering? Why the appeal for me? Well, if you move on from the third verse I quoted just there, it says that women ought to cover their head when praying or prophesying. Most organized religions in this day and age kind of skip over that part because it simply doesn't fit into the way our modern society works. They want SOME of the Truth there...but are unwilling to go all the way and also take the Truth from the rest of it.

A woman covering her head shows submissiveness toward her head of household and to God. It shows modesty and decency and respect. Are these traits that a submissive woman would want to have? As far as I'm concerned, you bet!

So, yeah.

You may find that the context of this blog becomes more and more spiritual. I'm tired of trying to fight off my inclination toward disbelieving the bible simply because I've been burned by organized religion in the past. I'm a Seeker of Truth; that's something that is more important to me than anything else. 

If there are Truths throughout the bible, then you can rest assured that I will find them, utilize them, and share them here. And if the thought of scripture being quoted here and there, with sound, logical reasoning why I think it ought to be followed, upsets and / or insults you for some reason...then it's safe to say that you may want to look elsewhere for a different person's writing who is more in line with your thoughts on the matter.

Or...stay, and share with me this submissive journey I'm on. 

The choice is yours.

Making Changes in My Life.

Image from GarlandsofGrace

I swore to myself that when I started this blog, I wouldn't get all spiritual on folks. After all, not everyone is submissive because of spiritual reasons, right?

Well...things are changing in my home, and it's something I feel the need to express. If you don't like it or feel uncomfortable, feel free to skip over this post.

K and I have been making a point lately of spending the evenings when I have off work just talking. We'll sit out on the porch, have a glass of wine or two, and talk about whatever comes up. Lately, what's been coming up is our need to be more spiritual. We spoke at some length about the Amish and the appeal of their community. We talked about why there's so much appeal in that sort of lifestyle for us. And through the course of all that, a few things came into my mind.

Modesty is important, isn't it?

It's part of what separates a spiritual person from your average, everyday sheeple. Being modest shows respect to yourself, to your HOH, and to the Creator. It shows that you value the sacredness of those relationships.

I came to realize that, while I'm not trashy in dress and appearance by any means, I could be doing better. And something moved in me to do better because of it. I spun it around in my head for a day or two, and finally brought it up to HOH: I want to start covering my head.

Why?

To show my submissiveness. To show modesty. To feel more feminine. He took in my answers and said he had no problem getting behind it, and my journey took a new turn. We ended up at Walmart in the crafts section, and I picked out a couple different fabrics I liked to turn into head coverings. I also got a nice blue flowered bandana that I thought would do the trick. At home, I did a bunch of research and started making a couple of covers for myself.

Once I put it on, I had this feeling come over me. It felt right...like this was a part of something I'd been missing out on. It's only been a week, but that feeling hasn't gone away. I'm fully aware that it will not, because he and I have in some ways stumbled across a Truth in it. Modesty has its place in our life. Head covering is a way to show that.

Within another day or two, I felt pulled toward looking even more feminine. I had an urge to go through my closet and throw out every pair of slacks I own. Of course, I didn't do that...because I've only a couple skirts and one or two dresses to wear, period. That wouldn't leave much for my daily life at all. But when the opportunity arose to hit up the local Goodwill, we went, and I walked out with three nice floor-length skirts.

Am I saying this sort of thing is for everyone? No, not necessarily...but it could be, and perhaps it should be, too. I'll get to the reasons why I think it can and should be in a future post.

In Response

I wrote this in reply to a topic on one of my mom's groups. I figured considering it's on this same subject as is so near and dear to my heart, that I'd post it here as well.

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Here's a topic that's very close to my heart! I've stated my opinion on this at least a couple times, I'm sure, but I'm game to have a go at it again.

It's pretty plain from my sig that I do identify as a submissive wife. I mean, it's right there. I blog about it whenever I get the urge to post something regarding this topic. Like many of the other ladies, I will agree that there's a huge misconception in regards to what the term submissive actually is. In truth, it's a lot of things. There are those, like one of the mamas above, who consider it to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle. There are those who consider it to be a part of their duty as good Christian women and wives. And then...there's me, I guess.

I consider myself submissive. I follow my husband's lead in all matters. I feel that it gives me a great degree of freedom, and I feel far more free from worry than I have in my entire life, up till now. I'm happy to be a stay at home mother. I clean the house, I spend five hours a day schooling my child. I make sure the dog is out and that he's enough food and water. I get the mail in and run errands to the store and elsewhere. We cook meals together, because I know that I'm no good at grilling, which we do a lot. We put up the dishes together, and make sure that they're run through the washer. Laundry is my domain. It's not that DH can't do it...he's done it for years on his own after the dissolution of his previous marriage. Fact of the matter is, I'm MUCH better at it, and furthermore, it gives me pleasure to be good at what I do. If it's simply something like cleaning, or doing the laundry, or whatever the case may be, I get TREMENDOUS joy in knowing that in doing these things, I keep my household running smoothly and that I make my husband happy.

To me, there is no greater task in this world than seeing to the needs of my family and house. It makes me extremely happy to know that I'm doing a good job, and I'm told so by my DH all the time. Just like any person would be happy to receive praise at work for a job well done, so too do I. I LOVE to do little things for my husband: I get him his drinks, I rub his back or his feet when they hurt, I make sure that the table is always laid and ready for dinner. And you know what? He's ALWAYS appreciative of that! I am a forever-worrier; everything bothers me and makes me worry...and one of the things I worry over is whether I show him enough that I love him. I'm not incredibly verbally expressive, but he always maintains that through my actions he can easily see that I do love him...which in turn causes me to worry less about it and feel more secure.

I don't choose submissiveness because I am a weak-willed woman. It's something entirely natural and normal for me. I've been submissive by nature for my entire life, ever since I was a child. Consider it the opposite of the classic Type-A personality, if you'd like. I'm not pushy, I don't enjoy the spotlight. I don't enjoy being the one in charge. I prefer to be the person in the background, getting what needs to be done, done without any rewards or applause for it.

Yes, I do think that submissiveness is a choice. No dominant man could ever actually be allowed to be dominant if his woman refuses to submit to him. To me, giving the gift of submission to my husband is my ultimate gift to him: it shows that I hold him in tremendous esteem, that I trust him implicitly above ALL other men. I feel more comfortable with myself, far stronger and more secure, because of the nature of our relationship.

I've tried doing it both ways. In my previous marriage, I desired to be a SAHM, to raise children and mind the house. My ex was fine with having a house slave, but that's really just what he thought of our "marriage". It took me a while to realize it, but he thought that marriage was having someone to do everything for him while he worked. He thought it was all about him working, and doing nothing else, then coming home and having sex with me whether I liked it or not. He wasn't dominant at all; in fact, he demurred to me in EVERYTHING. At first I liked it. I liked being in charge and having a man give me what I want, whenever I wanted it. But after a short time, it began to wear and tear on me. I realized through observing his behavior that he's not a strong man at all. I lost all respect for him, and between that and a variety of other things, that was the beginning of the end of that marriage for me.


When I left him, I was already so disenfranchised with the "wimpy man" type (which he was in spades, video game obsession included!), that I was determined to stay single forever. It wasn't until I found Kenny that I realized that our plans can often go awry, and often for the best of reasons. Where my ex was weak, in Kenny I found a strong man, one who was opinionated and highly intelligent. Before we ever met, I KNEW he was the one for me. Being with him makes me feel like a stronger person and a more confident woman. I trust him COMPLETELY. I don't worry about him making the wrong decision for our family, because I know his mind, and his morals, and his way of thinking. We are in accord in everything in our lives, and I mean EVERYTHING. When you have this kind of confidence in your man, it makes it very easy to allow him to take charge and be the leader.

The way I see it (feel free to bash me, if you will) is that it's the "equal partnership" relationships which are harder to make work. In every aspect of nature, there is a leader and a follower. Look in business: someone must be the boss, and someone must be the employee. Look in the animal world: one must be the pack leader, and the rest followers. These sorts of examples go on and on.

It seems to me that this pattern is one of Natural Order, and it oughtn't be messed with. Someone must lead. How can two people BOTH be the leaders in a household? It would be nothing but a power struggle till the end of time, with constant arguements and fighting over who gets to be in charge, over whose ideas and decisions are the right ones.

Perhaps I'm getting a tad off track of the subject, but this is the way that I see a naturally dominant/submissive relationship. It's just a part of the Natural Order of the world. I don't need god to tell me so, because I can clearly see it evident in almost every facet of the world around me. In fact, I'd venture to say (for those of us who are religious or Christian) that since God created everything, how he would like us to interact in our own personal relationships should be as obvious as observing the world around us. For thousands-- or more-- of years, it was the man's responsibility to lead, to protect his family, and to provide for their support. It was the woman's responsibility to see to the home, to the comfort of her family, and to the raising of children. Somewhere along the line all that went awry. I just figure that, for myself and in my relationship, that we're following a time-tested and proven method that WORKS.

It might not work for everyone, but it doesn't hurt trying. After all, I can't think of many other people I know in my personal life that can claim and have it said true that they NEVER fight or even argue with their spouse. Even my own mother tried to tell me that my relationship is WRONG because I maintain that we never fight. She says that EVERYONE fights, which makes us apparently abnormal.

If that's the case, I'm glad to be in the abnormal minority.

Trust vs. Jealousy

This is a subject that I see come up time and again on my mom's forums. A woman's DH talks to someone that they don't approve of-- be it an ex girlfriend, a female coworker, and the list goes on and on-- and upon finding out, it blows up into this HUGE fight. One of the ladies recently started a huge row and told her husband off simply because he was talking to an old high school girlfriend over Facebook and said girlfriend sent him a couple of old football articles.

Not only did she tell her husband off, she clearly thought that she would get backing for her rude and inconsiderate behavior. It seems to me that she was just as upset when other moms were telling her that she should have handled it in a different way than she was finding out about her husband talking to an old flame.

The part that I find sad about all this is that there's a simple lack of trust...almost everywhere, it seems. If this were an unusual occurrance, I wouldn't think about it too much at all. The fact of the matter is that, nowadays, women simply don't trust their men.

It's really a two way street when it comes to trust in relationships. If you show trust, your partner will be trustworthy in return. If you do not show trust, then your partner may end up feeling that there's no more need for him to be trustworthy...simply because no matter what he does, you won't trust him anyway. The degree of frustration over his ability to actually Do Anything Right will leave him disenchanted at best, and at worst drive him away.

When I read these sorts of things, it makes me ever so glad that I don't have to worry about things like this. While I do admit to jealousy on the occasion, I fully realize that this jealousy is all in my head and it isn't doing me any good. I truly have no need to be jealous of K's ex, because of one simple fact that he told me:

If he wanted her, he would still be with her. He chose ME. He's with ME. He's in MY bed every night.

I still talk to my ex, on the rare occasion. When I do, I try to keep it as short as possible, because it's a part of my life that I simply would like to get past. But he remains on my Facebook profile as a friend-- for a variety of reasons, among them so that I can get ahold of him easier when the time comes for me to file papers-- and, shock and amazement! K doesn't ever get distrustful of me. He has absolutely no jealousy or resentment of what came before. I know this for a fact because, if he did, he would talk to me and tell me!

I'm secure enough in my relationship to know that much. Without genuine communication, nothing's left but that a sense of mistrust and apprehension, which are left to grow and fester until it drives a wedge into the relationship. It doesn't matter if these negative emotions are real or imagined: by nursing them and not letting them out, you make them as real as if they actually were.

Why should K be mistrustful of my previous relationships, really? We both know that my marriage to my ex was...shall we say, less than satisfactory? I wasn't happy at all, through the entire duration of the marriage to my ex, and now that I'm well away from him and with K, I am. I, in turn, know that K's former relationship was just as bad for him, and that being with me is what makes him happy. I still can't fathom that fact sometimes, but yet...there it is. And really? If that's enough for K, it's enough for me, too.

Being confident and secure like this-- having real, genuine trust in one's partner and knowing it's returned in kind-- is one of the most amazing and fulfilling parts of being in a relationship. True trust is an apparently rare gift today, because so often women are so caught up in their own insecurities that they fail to see everywhere that their relationship's gone right. They forget about the fact that The Ex is the ex...for a reason.

Overawed, As Usual...

God, it's such a wonder to me, sometimes. Still. I'm feeling totally shitty from Aunt Flo making an appearance in town (started yesterday, but really got going last night), bleeding everywhere, worrying whether these tiny little pads are going to cut it. I've been on the computer downloading books for the last while. I figure to take advantage of reading material before we end up in the car.

The lavender scented candle I lit-- just for the smell of it-- is doing its magic and relaxing me. If only I could take it and my sore, achy self to the big tub and have a soak. Ah well. There'll be time for that next week, when doing so won't make my erstwhile relaxation look like a Carrie rerun.

I look back, and K's sleeping on the blowup bed. We lately moved into the master bedroom, as his mom's finally moved all her stuff out of there. It's nice to have our own bathroom. It's nicer to have that HUGE tub for soaking and a rain shower if we want it. We have a lot more stuff than we ought to, and last night Kenny talked about "cutting down"...which frankly makes me anxious. It's just things, right? Who cares about things? But still, there's that anxiety. I don't want to live in the car. I want a home. But I'll do it anyways, and I won't voice a single complaint. Because I love him.

I look back, and I see him sleeping there. Completely undignified, mouth open a bit, breathing loud enough, but not so loud that it could be considered snoring. His hair's a mess-- predictably-- and he's about a week overdue on a shave. All the same...

I look back, and I get this RUSH of sensation. My breath catches. My throat and chest tighten. Tears prick in the back of my eyes. At the same time, I feel that overwhelming something, making all those little signs by themselves mean...just about the opposite of what they look like on the surface.

It's love, pure and unadulterated. And I think to myself, like I have a million times before, "How the hell did I get so lucky?" Closely following that is a murmured tickle in the back of my mind: "...god, he's so gorgeous."

I thought with some time that this sort of emotional response in me would settle down into something more...sedate. It still hasn't. I wonder, will it ever? Every time I look at him, I become so overawed by...us, by everything. Yeah, the sex has slowed down a bit. We're not teenagers, I guess; humping like bunnies isn't quite so important as "I'm exhausted from sleeping on the floor a month" or "Just not feeling so well today". But the thing that hasn't left is the desire. It's there all the time, lurking away under the surface of me.

I'd do anything. Anything he wanted. Now, surely, but for always, too.

Yesterday, he pinned me to the door and tickled me mercilessly. I protested, gasping for air and laughing all at the same time. I always protest; I can't not, it's just a natural reaction from me. He leaned in and laughed a bit. "What's the trouble? You like being dominated..." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact. 

Hahaha yes, yes I surely do. That little pulse in my neck, pounding away erratically. The feel of whiskers against my cheek, scratching my sensitive skin all red and tender. Hot breath on my neck, accompanied by the sound of his exhalations. The sheer force of his presence looming over me. It's thrilling, pulse-pounding, deep down, and at the same time I feel utterly safe.

I realized, I think, at that point, that this is what I need more of. Maybe I just realized it now. Maybe I haven't thought about it much at all.

He doesn't need to dominate me, see. I go willing like a lamb to the slaughter. ...if a lamb could be tickled to death, of course. Then, I would be just such. At the same time, I suppose I need it, just like I tease and taunt him about his weak little love-slaps. Or any of the other things I do-- like the smarty-mouth lipping comments I tend to make. It's all teases and taunts; maybe I'll get a rise out of him and deserve a good, sound thwap?

...more importantly, would doing so give me more of what I want and need? Can't say as I know the answer to that one. Going to have to give it a bit more thought. Hmmn.

Ten Commandments (How to Fulfill a Submissive Woman)

I found this post through a random search over google and thought it was interesting enough to share. I don't know if the person I got it from swiped it from somewhere else or if it's there's, but I'll throw a little link in there so I'm not plagiarizing anyone. If they're plagiarizing, that's great for them, but I won't do it.

And here we go!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ten Commandments (How to Fulfill a Submissive Woman)

1. THOU SHALT PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS OF HER DESIRE: Find and touch her personal, "pleasure points." A sub's Emotional and Physical pleasure points are chinks in her "armor" that allow her to receive erotic pleasure and fulfillment. 

2. THOU SHALT STIMULATE HER SENSES: Looking good is never bad. But women are less visual than Men, so it's vital that you speak to all her senses. Say arousing things, be clean, smell and taste pleasant and remember she is sensitive to touch. Explore the sensual paradise of her body. 

3. THOU SHALT COMPLIMENT HER MEANINGFULLY AND OFTEN: Compliment her body, and she'll be more likely to want to share it with you. Respect her mind, and she'll give you the key to unlock her desires...Just because you've told her you love her once, doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her again--and again. 

4. THOU SHALT ENCOURAGE HER TO SHOW AND TELL WHAT PLEASES HER: Reassure her that it's okay for her to tell you what turns her on. Tell her to masturbate for you and watch her carefully, not just for your own pleasure, but to see how she likes to be touched. 

5. THOU SHALT LISTEN TO HER THOUGHTS: Learn about who she is, what she's been through, in her life, what she needs and what she desires. Talk to her, but most of all, listen to her, and she'll never stop sharing herself with you. Discover the little girl inside your sub. Play with her, and she'll never grow old. 

6. THOU SHALT MAKE HER LAUGH: Amuse your sub, be a fool for love. Laughter is a mental orgasm. If her Master can make her laugh, her soul will be revealed and her mind/body will belong to Him. 

7. THOU SHALT GIVE HER REWARDS AND GIFTS: Every woman since the dawn of time has responded to a gift as if it were an erotic act. Reward her when she is "good" and surprise her at random times. The specific "gift" is not important, it could be emerald earrings, sexy lingerie, a flower plucked from a field, or your emotional support in a crisis. It is the "giving" that will win her heart and soul. 

8. THOU SHALT RADIATE CONFIDENCE AND SENSITIVITY: Master's confidence makes her feel secure. His strength excites her. His sensitivity makes him accessible, warm and lovable. Demonstrate and talk about your feelings. 

9. THOU SHALT UNDERSTAND AND ENJOY FOREPLAY: The key part of foreplay is "play." Be patient and sensual. Tease her mind and body. Learn to kiss, lick, and touch every part of her and allow sufficient time for her to enjoy her pleasure and reach that bliss that she seeks. 

10. THOU SHALT EXPLORE HER DREAMS AND ENCOURAGE HER: Listen and help her to explore and understand her dreams, hopes, and ambitions. Guide and encourage her efforts to achieve her goals. Talk about and explore her sexual fantasies and help her to realize them.

Submission vs. Religion

One of the things I've griped about to K on a regular basis is dealing with labels. The inconsistencies and misinformation about just what submission is was one of the reasons I decided to make this blog in the first place. I've spent plenty of time on here already writing about why submission doesn't automatically mean BDSM, but now I want to go another route: religion.

I've been doing research on submission for years. Even as a teenager, I realized this innate need to be submissive, which sparked hours upon hours of fruitless searching for others like me. The best place to research, of course, is the internet, but simply Googling "submission" or "submissive" is bound to give an absolutely massive list of things I'm not looking for. One of those, of course, is religion.

I'm a firm believer in Natural Order. While I am very spiritual, not all of my beliefs line up precisely with biblical teachings, and it's for that reason I shy away from any sites proclaiming submission due to God's will. It doesn't take rocket science for me to understand that it IS, in fact, God's will for a woman to defer to her husband. I just personally don't feel that I need the bible to tell me that, nor half a hundred fundamentalist Christian ladies to tell the same.

I've spent some time talking about Natural Order before. For those that can't be bothered to read, I'll give my interpretation of it. God created the universe, and with it came all those tricksy little rules we call scientific Laws. Try for a moment to go against the Law of Gravity, and see what happens. The Laws of Motion...no one can get out of those. The list, in fact, is simply staggering: our entire universe is governed by all these laws, and there's nothing anyone can do to change them. Unfortunately, there is one law that's never talked about, and that's in regard to household roles.

The reason for that, of course, is simple to find. Feminism has gone a long way toward ruining Natural Order by insisting that a woman is weak, lazy, or selfish if she desires of a Natural, traditional way of life in her relationship. The fact of the matter is simple: not EVERYONE can be a leader. For every leader, someone must follow. This is truth in every aspect of human relationships, from the workplace to the home. Why, then, are we told that it's wrong if we follow Natural Order and take a step back so our men-- generally considered natural-born leaders-- can head the household and do the leading for us?

All over the bible there are commandments or assertations that a man should be the head of the household. One quote goes like this:

Ephesians 5:22 -- Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. --KJV

The commandments here-- this scripture being the foremost quoted in favor of biblical submission-- are as plain as day. A woman is instructed to submit to her husband, and a husband is commanded to LOVE his wife as his own body. It doesn't command him to lord it over his wife, or make her feel inferior to him.

The rub lies in the translation of the word "submit". There are so many misunderstandings of the word that the actual term gets entirely lost in translation the moment it's said.

Dictionary.com defines the word submit this way:

sub·mit
[suh-b·mit] verb, -mit·ted, -mit·ting.
verb (used with object)

1.
to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
2.
to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.
3.
to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others: to submit a plan; to submit an application.
4.
to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose (usually followed by a clause): I submit that full proof should be required.

So submission, in essence means to yield or defer authority to another. Nowhere in this definition is there an allusion that doing so makes one less superior or less intellectual to another. Nowhere does it say that the one doing the submitting loses everything of themselves, nor does it state that the person in authority has the ultimate, final say.

Now, I promised myself that I wouldn't get too heavily into the bible as the basis for this article. Not everyone follows the bible or the teachings of Christ, and it's my determination to keep out religion as much as I can throughout this blog. It was something I had to talk about at least once or twice, however, because of the staggering number of people that follow these Natural Laws due to religious convictions.

I went ahead and did a bit of research on men versus women in the role of natural-born leadership capabilities, and while there's plenty on the subject itself, I found a post by a lady on some random forum that sums it up perfectly. 

 

Are men really more intelligent than women? Why have men been made natural leaders? Why do we always rely on them to make vital decisions?

Well let’s start by analyzing the differences between the two sexes. Women and men aren’t the opposite of one another but on the contrary they complement each other: this means that one isn’t superior to the other when abilities are involved. If men are physically stronger, women are emotionally stronger; sometimes the strong will of women have made them able to go through tougher physical pains and struggles such as delivery and menstrual pain. What man could ever bear the pain of giving birth to a baby? Sounds strange but someone could say that all in all men aren’t as strong as they claim but that women, maternal instinct combined with the love for their loved ones, are better survival in tough times. But even at this point men are still made leaders in every department worldwide. The society has been patriarchal as long as we can remember and the justification has always been the hierarchy inspired by God to men in the Bible. However there are some societies where religions like Islam, Judaism and Christianity are unknown but yet the man is still the head of the home. Why?

The answer is more simple than it seems. Naturally men are instinctive: this means they are physical just like most of their needs. Like wild animals (no offense meant) their main preoccupations are to protect their lives and those of their loved ones and provide them with everything they need to be safe. That’s what we call “Survival Instinct”. Since their role is to protect lives, they have developed the ability to think faster (not necessarily deeper) than women, as it can take less than a second for a life to be broken. They might be insensitive to internal suffering but they sure perceive any type of threat to their safety. This said, we can understand why men are natural leaders but we still haven’t answered another important question: are they really more intelligent?

Being instinctive means thinking primarily of our needs, thus putting ourselves before any other thing. If we think just a moment of those people we repute to be intelligent we’d see they are those who somehow always do all they can to get what they want. Not just anything but the one which requires less time. Normally we say these individuals are smart because they know the easiest and fastest way to success, well men are just like that. Used to think fast when problems arise they give the impression of being smarter but they are simply instinctive because if we should consider every aspect of the decisions they make we’d see that only the antecedent has been considered and not the consequence. Whatever will be, will be. Women on the other hand, being more emotional, are likely to put themselves in other people’s shoes so they always reflect on what can happen if they should act this way rather than that way. This makes them quite slow in decisions making, but that doesn’t make them less capable: in fact they are accurate observers and analyzers.

Knowing this defect of ours of taking too much time to make a decision, we often let the men make those that are required immediately: finance; while we keep the others which concern a farther future to ourselves: getting married, creating a family; long term decisions to be precise.

After this brief but attentive breakdown of the differences between men and women, we can conclude by saying that both sexes are intelligent: men are fast thinkers, while women are attentive observers. However if the latter never think of possible reactions to their actions, the former also take too much time to act. All in all, they are on the same level. One can’t be without the other. The man would go on creating one disaster after the other, while the woman would get old thinking of what move she should make.

Ending: oh, yes! We sure complement each other!

--michelin89, taken from http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-143533.0.html

As can be seen through the course of this segment, there's absolutely no need to point toward religion as the only reason for natural dominance or submission. It's a simple biological fact that men are hard-wired toward supporting, providing, and protecting, while women are wired for loving, caring, and nurturing. Going against that grain is simply going against Natural Order.

Now, I'm not saying that these traits are 100% true across the board. This isn't about absolutes where it concerns personalities. I've met many strong women, and many nurturing men. That doesn't mean, however, that a strong woman MUST be dominant in order to be fulfilled, nor does it mean that a nurturing, loving man must be submissive because that's just their nature. Their true nature is to follow what Natural Law dictates, because none of these traits are mutually exclusive. One doesn't have to ONLY be strong and dominant at the same time; one doesn't have to ONLY be nurturing and submissive at the same time.

The fact of the matter is simply this: religion did not CREATE Natural Laws. They are only reinforcing the Absolute Truth of the matter. Therefore, there's very little need to bring religion into it at all.

I Married My First Love...

...and it didn't take a piece of paper from the government for me to believe it.

Being with K certainly wasn't my first relationship. I'd been through several, and they usually started out seemingly alright then took a swift turn for the worse. I went the whole legal marriage thing with the wedding and the dress and the stupid marriage license. None of it worked. It didn't work because of one simple fact:

I WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH ANY OF THEM.

K is the first person, and only man, I will ever and have ever truly loved. I knew it before I ever met him that we were meant to be together, and we sealed our dedication in marriage under the eyes of God through planned sexual union for this very purpose. From that first moment, we have been man and wife, and for this reason I say I married my first love.

He is my first, last, and always.

The Key to Sex.

I'll admit it, like everyone else has: I LOVE SEX. I love everything to do with it. The touches, the feeling, the closeness. I can't get enough of it. If K and I both had the fortitude, I could do it all day long, every day for the rest of my life, and live in a serotonin-induced haze of happiness.

It wasn't always this way, however. For most of my life, I viewed sex as something to be endured. I didn't enjoy it all that much, frankly. It was something one just DID when they were in a relationship, and it took me a long time to realize what I was missing, what made the sex SUCK.

What was always missing was love.

Love and spiritual connection are absolutely essential to amazing lovemaking. All my life I THOUGHT I was in love with the men I had sex with. In fact, most of my life I equated love with sex to such a degree that I seriously thought that if a guy wanted to have sex with me on a regular basis (as opposed to a one-nighter), it meant that he loved me. Many other women go through the exact same thing. They equate love with sex. For my part, I was a delusional child, to put it simply.

Love is not sex, but sex is a manifestation of love. Without having real, true love in the equation, sex becomes mindless gratification, and is always ultimately disappointing. Mankind was made for connection, and trying to do without it will always be equally unsatisfying in the end.

Dating Is For Children, Courting Is For Adults.

I've never been one to "date". What is there to this actual concept of dating, actually? Someone spends money to take someone else out somewhere they really don't want to be just so that there's a chance they might get in that other's pants?

There's no room for GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE in dating. It's always about doing something fun or exciting. Whatever happened to just sitting and talking about one's beliefs and values? It's not what fun stuff two people like to do together that makes for a stable relationship. It's not how well they mesh in the sack that does it, either.

Rather, it's getting to know that other person which helps to contribute to a good relationship. Long gone are the days of learning about someone before you want to screw them, because frankly I don't think most people care for the connotation of courting. Courting means getting to know someone with the intent to marry. Why worry about marriage when it's so much more fun to play the field? Is that it?

It sure isn't, but in this immature day and age, only the real adults are smart enough to realize that fun isn't everything.

The "Magic Words": Easy to Say

"I love you" is one of those very tricky phrases. Throughout my life, I've had a variety of men tell me that same thing. It took me a long time to realize that none of them actually meant it. The first one "loved" me because I gave up my virginity to him. The second said it, not because he actually loved me; instead he saw an inherent weakness in me that he could exploit. That guy abused me heavily for seven long, painful years. The one after him? Talked about how he loved me, but what he loved was the idea of having an all-the-time free lay and a slave to clean his house.

It wasn't until I met K that I finally found out what real love was. Beforehand, I merely accepted it, and only said it back because it was the "polite thing" to do. I never really felt it. Factually, I didn't even know what love was, what it looked or felt like. Now that I have something to compare it to, it's so easy to see how shallow all the other relationships of my past were. In looking back, too, it makes me appreciate what I have now even more.

True Love Online? ...It Can Happen!

I never thought in a million years that I'd end up falling in love with someone I met over one of those stupid internet dating sites. I'd joined up just looking for friends, for someone I might have something in common with. Having just moved 1300 miles, I knew no one, and loneliness was already starting to eat at me.

Then I stumbled across HIS profile, and as I read through it, I realized what an amazingly intelligent man this was. I decided to take the initiative and sent him a message saying that I enjoyed his profile and just what I thought of it. Within days, we were messaging each other through the site for hours, then it went to instant messaging, then on the telephone for six or more hours at a stretch, until finally we decided to meet.

We already knew we were meant for each other before we met. When we finally did, it was with the idea of cementing that knowledge through sexual union under the eyes of God. In doing so, we found ourselves truly blessed, and have been closer than anyone I've ever known in every way imaginable.

Highly Sensitive Person?

Ever since I was a small child, I was always called shy, introspective, sensitive. I never stopped to question it. I only knew it was just how I was. I tend toward being very uncomfortable in crowds, and with people in general, although I can put up a good front in those situations if I absolutely MUST. I would almost consider myself something of a sociophobe, because being around people just effects me so much. I can't be in a crowd and not seem to absorb its mood, and if there's one thing I hate more than anything else, it's feeling emotions that aren't mine.

In my relationship I tend to get very overwhelmed, and there was always a part of me that feels somewhat ashamed of crying over seemingly every little thing. Disappointment, anxiety, even love, effect me so strongly that I feel like if I don't let myself cry, I'll become so overwhelmed by it that it'll paralyze me. The hardest time I have had is simply expressing my love for him. Just thinking about it sends tingles all through me and tears to my eyes. ...just writing about it does this. I guess I kind of thought of myself as something of a freak, unable to control even the tiniest emotion, but now I feel a little bit better in knowing that I'm not alone with it.

I only found this term yesterday, but as soon as I saw it I knew it fit me to a tee.

Pornography Is Infidelity.

More and more in this day and age, I've seen questions from scared women, wondering if their significant other/husband is cheating on them. Often to blame is secretive text messages over cell phones, or the ever-dreaded internet pornography. There are those who feel that porn isn't bad; after all, if ladies are watching it WITH their husbands, he's not keeping secrets from them. ...right?

Wrong. Porn is the fantasy. It is whatever the film tells men they should expect in the bedroom. It might start out as curiosity, but it always grows into much more than that. Men in time come to expect their girlfriends or wives to be whores, there to pleasure them whenever and wherever the urge strikes. They stop seeing the loving, caring, feminine natures of their counterparts and instead see a TOOL to be USED for their own self-gratification.

The reason for this is simple: people who watch pornography eventually buy into the lie. They begin to covet what they see on the screen (be it tv or computer). They begin to grow sour against their own life relationship, wondering "How can I get my girlfriend/wife to do a threesome with another girl?" and all sorts of other things. In essence, they believe that what they see on that tv screen IS reality, and they begin to hate and loathe the truth in their life.

Eventually, many of them stop having sex with their partners and instead masturbate to the images on the screen. Why is that? Because they no longer respect their partner and instead want to have sex with what it is that they're watching.

Thinking about cheating on your partner, in my opinion, is just the same as doing it. You may not have actively screwed someone else, but if the opportunity presented itself, all those thoughts would manifest themselves and make it SO MUCH EASIER to "slip up" and actually cheat. Porn is no help with this at all. It only gives fuel for the fire of raging hormones while killing all moral thought at the same time.

Touch.

Touch is a natural, necessary human need. Even scientists say that if a baby is tended to physically in every way-- food, clothing, shelter-- but not touched, they will fail to thrive and will just wither away. I used to think that I didn't need it. In fact, for the bulk of my adult life, I despised it when people touched me. It make me so uncomfortable my skin would crawl. This made relationships rather difficult, especially romantic ones. When I married my now-ex husband, I thought that by getting married, that this feeling would go away.

It did not, and it took several more years before I understood why.

The reason for it was lack of love. I did not love him, and furthermore I realized that I hadn't loved a single person I've ever been with in a sexual way, ever. What a startling thing to figure out when one's just hit the huge milestone of thirty years old!

Of course, I didn't realize what was wrong with it until I actually FOUND that true love. I never imagined a day where I would love someone so deeply that their simply looking at me would give me shivers of delight, or that a simple hug or other gentle touch would bring up waves of ecstasy all over my body. In finding K, I found that, and now I understand why so many people crave touch.

It's hopelessly addicting.

Surrendering.

I have never read the book (where the term "surrendered" comes from), but it doesn't take rocket science to realize when one has found a kindred spirit, or that I don't find some value in the concept.

I have always been submissive by nature, but only recently did I find a man worthy enough to surrender myself to. It has been The Most Joyous thing that's ever happened to me. There's so much freedom in being allowed to be myself and to give in to him. I'm like a sapling, bending against the force of the wind. I'm a planet, and he is my sun. I can't help but find myself drawn to him and revolving around him. It feels so natural, so perfect, so right.

He never expects me to not have a mind of my own, although I do naturally demure to him. I am not a doormat, weak-willed, lazy, or lacking in intelligence. He loves me for my whole, and doesn't pick me apart to decide how I should behave. He understands that I find words of love far more difficult to express than doing so through my actions, and he's alright with that because it's simply a part of me. When I need correction, he will be there to help me. When I feel overemotional and clingy, he'll never push me away.

I finally feel free to be myself, for the first time in my life.