In Defense of Godly Submission

This is my response on a forum in relation to the topic of Godly / Biblical Submission. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I consider it to be one of the most important things that is lacking in most relationships in this day and age. I truly feel that more women would be happier in their marriages if they would just give in to God...and submit to their worthy husbands.

And so, I wrote the below:

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I have written on the topic of submission so many times now that I don't even know where to begin! lol

I'm a very firm believer in Godly headship, and that women are to submit to their husband's authority. The husband, in turn, must answer to Christ and ultimately God for the health, safety, and well-being of his family-- not only spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally as well. A man who is abusive or uses Godly submission as an excuse to trod upon his wife IS NOT DESERVING OF HEADSHIP.

IMO, the key to being able to submit to Godly authority-- and therefore to your husband-- means having a husband WORTHY of submitting to!

A Godly man that does his best to be all that he has to be to ensure the happiness and safety of his family. He works hard, takes care of his children, leads his family spiritually. He is a strong man and therefore he makes it easier for a Godly woman to submit to him.

Much like any company or institution, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE PERSON IN ULTIMATE AUTHORITY. There is a President and a Vice-President, but the President is always the higher authority, the end-all, be-all of decision-making.

No business can be run when every moment is a power-struggle, when every executive decision made is constantly questioned and nitpicked and second-guessed. All this sort of behavior will do is start to make the President second-guess his every move...and eventually he won't want to make a decision at all, his self-confidence being completely shattered because no one is confident IN him.

Does that mean that the President does not ever CONSULT his VP? No, of course not. They should have calm, rational discussions on a day-to-day basis regarding the runnings of the business. They should not let their wants and emotions get in the way of reaching a decision, but do what is best for the entire company.

Ephesians 5:25-33

King James Version (KJV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The bible does not tell husbands to SUBJUGATE their wives, nor does it say that wives must tolerate abusive, controlling behaviors. It does not say that men must schedule out every waking moment of their wife's life.

The bible COMMANDS men to love their wives as their own body! So clearly, they would be going against God's expressed commands if they were to abuse the trust their submissive wife has placed in them!

I do have a mind. I have thoughts and opinions. I have beliefs. And I can and DO express all those things to my husband-- who IS my Head of Household. And you know what? Because he is worthy of my submission, he listens to every word I say and takes my counsel into account before he goes and makes huge decisions that will effect our relationship or our entire family.

Does he tell me what I should wear every day? What we should eat? How I should do my hair (or in my case, mandate that I cover)? What we should buy at the store? ...and on and on and on? Heck, no! He trusts me enough to know that I am perfectly capable of presenting myself as a good, wholesome, modest, feminine woman. He trusts me enough to know that as his wife, companion, and household steward, that I know more about running the house and other things of importance than he does! And when/if I'm unable to perform my role as a homemaker (such as if I'm ill, or like now, when I'm unfortunately working and he's laid off)...well, he just asks me how I think he should do it!

A real man would never be afraid to ask his woman how to do anything. As the Head of the Household, it is his responsibility to ensure that he knows ALL the functions of the house, his own responsibilities as well as mine.

I think the rub lies in what people think "SUBMISSIVE" actually means. It's been so twisted and distorted and given such a negative connotation that there is always this massive knee-jerk reaction whenever the word is even casually mentioned. You can thank (or rather, blame) feminism for that one.

Through searching the scriptures for the actual TRUTH, people can come to learn what REAL submission means and how they should live their lives in a God-fearing manner.

Dress to Impress-- Why You Should Take Care of Yourself for Yourself, and Him Too

I don't know about the rest of you, but I absolutely hate to be sick. I loathe it more than almost anything else in this world. Especially a head cold. Nothing is less attractive then an endlessly running nose, sniffling, and coughing all day long. When you get sick, there really isn't anything you can do about it aside from waiting it out. We don't have the cure for the common cold. Yet.

This topic came to mind to me because last night I was battling a low-grade fever and I hoped that a good night's sleep would be just the trick to get me feeling good and perky this morning. The sleep, unfortunately, just didn't work. Apparently, I cannot just sleep off an impending cold.

I will tell you one thing that does help me feel better, though. That one thing is dressing up.

That's right. Dressing up. It may be a simple vanity thing, or some deep subconscious feminine need, but whenever I'm sick, making myself pretty is a surefire way to perk up my mood.

I'm not a makeup addict by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just as likely to leave the house on any given day au naturale, without even a dab of something pretty on my face, as I am to apply something. I do, however, notice a huge change in how I feel when I go to the trouble of taking that five or ten minutes to do so.

In other words, I am not one of those "high-maintenance" chicks. I far prefer to be natural, and I do believe that K shares the same opinion.

However. However! By the same token, there are times when I simply feel that I want to look better...and often enough, dressing a little nicer than I usually do or quickly applying some concealer, mascara, and lip gloss does the trick. Yes, I do it for myself, and the truth of the matter is that whenever my mood is so-so and could stand some improvement, this always works! 

I make myself up pretty and maybe even throw on a nice skirt or dress. My mood elevates immediately. Take it from the girl whose average skin care regimen includes washing her face and brushing her hair, and whose wardrobe primarily consists of flip flops, cargo pants, and tank tops.

I look in the mirror and see myself...only better. And that, in turn, makes me feel better. I suppose there's some scientific reason for this, and I know I've found it here and there before, but I'm not going to go to the bother of looking this all up to post on here. Suffice it to say this: 

It is scientifically proven that making oneself look nicer is a surefire way to improve your mood.

Now that that's out of the way...one might ask this: dressing up and putting on makeup is great. It makes me feel nice, happier, insert-good-feeling-emotion here. However, what does that have to do with my man?

This is where things get a little more complicated. But not too complicated.

When two people share space with each other like two married / committed people do, there are naturally a lot of things that they see of each other that others don't. We go through sweaty days, stinky days, cranky days, period days, those days where last night's dinner simply didn't agree with you at all... For parents, it might become old hat to walk around in that shirt with infant spit up on it, wearing sweatpants and slippers all day long. Most humans don't see this sort of thing from anyone else except their partner. 

Sometimes these things are more frequent than the sweet-smelling, sexy-looking, nice days when your man wants to lock you into the bedroom all day and throw away the key.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I, for my part, far greatly prefer feeling sexy, wanted, and desired. 

It's very easy to get into an appearance slump, but it's also correctable and can go a long way toward improving your relationship if it's starting to slump, too.

Think back to when you and your man first got together or were dating. Heaven forbid should a hair on your head be out of place. You were always sure to look nice. He would never see you in sweats and hair in a ponytail. You wouldn't even dream of letting him see your legs unshaved. You wouldn't skip a shower if your life depended on it...all because of that desire to attract him to you, to make yourself appear more desirable than all the other little female fishies in the sea.

But somewhere along the line, that can change. You get committed. Life catches you up. You find yourself with less and less time, especially if you both work or there are babies to take into account. You love your man, yes...but at the same time, you no longer fear losing him.

After all, if he can tolerate the occasional after dinner flatulence, he can tolerate anything...right?

The fact of the matter is, once you get to that certain point in your relationship, looks seem to become less important. You've caught your man, so it's cool now. You're free to let things go a little.

But I'm saying you shouldn't do this, and if you discover that you're falling into this pattern, that you should get out of it, fast. You might be a harried stay at home mother and homemaker or a hard-working woman with a full time job, but you do not have to look like one! 

Do things for yourself once in a while. Hell, do something for yourself at least once a week, if not once a day. Doing so will improve your mood tremendously...and your man will enjoy looking at you, too. Liking looking at you, in turn, will cause him to continue to find you desirable, which in turn will cause you to feel more desirable.

People might claim this sort of thinking is sexist, but I personally do not believe in sexism. It's a simple matter of cause and effect. 

Cause: Children run you around all day, or work keeps you all hours of the day. You're harried and you can barely cope with or keep up with everything.

Effect: You run out of energy for everything, even for your man and yourself. You let yourself slip, and sex eventually goes right out the window in favor of, please God, just one good night of sleep!

Here's another one, though, that's far nicer than the first one:

Cause: You notice you're looking crappy, feeling crappy, and have no energy so you decide to spend an hour giving yourself a mani/pedi or a nice facial you read about in that woman's magazine.

Effect: You are pleased with yourself, and your mood improves. When your husband/SO comes home and notices your mood, it in turn brightens his day. He suggests a little quality "one-on-one" time that evening with waggled eyebrows. Everyone is happier as a result.

The point is, I'm not trying to say you ought to do things just for yourself or just for your man. Why not do it for both reasons? Looking nice can go a long way toward helping out your mood and therefore improve the mood of everyone in the house.

I know this for a fact, because instead of slumping around in sweatpants, I decided to throw on a skirt and some nicely applied, tasteful makeup today. I might not feel less sick, but I sure do feel better about it!

Give it a try if you haven't already, ladies. It can't hurt and can only help!

The Little Things That Bring Me Joy

It's funny how being in love changes a person. I used to be one of those people that hated household chores. I did them because I had to, not because it gave me any pleasure. I never really had the satisfaction of a job well-done. 

Cooking, sweeping, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, doing the laundry...cleaning the BATHROOM?

Yeech! 

Dishes, especially, were of great personal loathing to me.

God, I always HATED dishes. They seemed to pile up endlessly. I could never manage to keep up with them. It was impossible to get my ex to rinse off his plates and bowls, resulting in a disgusting and ugly mess inside our dishwasher. Eventually, it ended up breaking completely, and I was forced to clean all those dishes by hand, once again, fighting with the disgusting, dried-up mess on plates on a daily basis. 

All this isn't even taking into consideration the fact that I was disabled before I ever married my ex, and trying to grasp dishes with my disabled hand tends to cause me tremendous pain over time.

Succinctly, I loathed dishes and everything to do with them, and I couldn't stand my ex's inconsideration of me. He didn't care that I had to work extra hard to make the dishes clean because he was too lazy to run them under water. He didn't care that doing so was causing me a great deal of physical pain. He clearly thought that was the only thing I was good for-- cooking and cleaning up after him.

This, among many other things, led me to loathe him just as much as I did all those hated household chores. Eventually, it led to the dissolution of our marriage altogether.

And you know what? In a lot of ways, I'm glad it did, because if I hadn't gotten so thoroughly disgusted with this lazy, dirty man, I never would've gotten the nerve up to move so far away from home...where eventually I did end up meeting the one true love of my life. Thank you, God.

Things have changed with me in a complete 180 since I met K. A lot of the things I couldn't ever stand to do back then give me a tremendous amount of satisfaction and joy now.

The reason why is because I know that he appreciates everything I do for him.

I love to cook now, when I used to hate it beforehand. I never got any pleasure out of it, because the simple fact was that I knew my ex didn't appreciate me or anything I did, especially when it came to things like running the household. Doing the laundry, while not entirely pleasurable, is a lot more enjoyable to me because I know that doing it makes my HOH proud of me.

My nemesis, dishes? Oh yes. I LOVE doing the dishes now, surprisingly enough! We have a dishwasher, and lately it's been acting up. Instead of whining about how it needs to be fixed so that dishes come out spotlessly clean like they're supposed to...I decided instead that I'd start washing all the dishes old school-- by hand. It needs doing multiple times a day to be sure that a huge mess doesn't end up all over the kitchen counters, but I love doing it anyway...because now I take pride in the appearance of our home and I want things looking nice all the time. 

It doesn't even bother me that much when my hand starts hurting me, because my sense of pride and the feel of his love for me kind of just...covers it up. It's a pain worth bearing for me because of the rewards I get from it.

The biggest reason for all this is simple: I want my HOH to be proud of me. I feel like I need a sense of accomplishment, and making sure that everything is neat and in order, all nice and clean, is one way of doing that. I know for a fact that K appreciates everything I do around the house, because he tells me so regularly. It bolsters me up and makes me want to keep on keeping on, and even find new and better ways of doing things in order to keep that appreciation and sense of pride.

This is one of those things that just makes sense, and it isn't a one-way street, either. It's very nice to feel appreciated, and I love it. However, it's also very easy to forget to show appreciation for the things your partner does for YOU. You should always remember to show appreciation for your own HOH. Let him know that the little things he does for you are important to you and make you feel special-- even if it is something simple like changing the oil in the car or mowing the lawn. Those things take time, too, and are just as much a reason to appreciate him as he does for you.

Showing appreciation for each other is another way of showing love. When it's a two-way street and both partners are feeling appreciated, it makes them want to work harder, for their partner, for their family, and especially for themselves. 

Stay appreciative, and you'll find that your relationship stays strong, too!

Loving the Husband More Than the Kids Is Key to Good Life

I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad. "It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed.

Read the rest HERE.

In Response

I wrote this in reply to a topic on one of my mom's groups. I figured considering it's on this same subject as is so near and dear to my heart, that I'd post it here as well.

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Here's a topic that's very close to my heart! I've stated my opinion on this at least a couple times, I'm sure, but I'm game to have a go at it again.

It's pretty plain from my sig that I do identify as a submissive wife. I mean, it's right there. I blog about it whenever I get the urge to post something regarding this topic. Like many of the other ladies, I will agree that there's a huge misconception in regards to what the term submissive actually is. In truth, it's a lot of things. There are those, like one of the mamas above, who consider it to be a part of the BDSM lifestyle. There are those who consider it to be a part of their duty as good Christian women and wives. And then...there's me, I guess.

I consider myself submissive. I follow my husband's lead in all matters. I feel that it gives me a great degree of freedom, and I feel far more free from worry than I have in my entire life, up till now. I'm happy to be a stay at home mother. I clean the house, I spend five hours a day schooling my child. I make sure the dog is out and that he's enough food and water. I get the mail in and run errands to the store and elsewhere. We cook meals together, because I know that I'm no good at grilling, which we do a lot. We put up the dishes together, and make sure that they're run through the washer. Laundry is my domain. It's not that DH can't do it...he's done it for years on his own after the dissolution of his previous marriage. Fact of the matter is, I'm MUCH better at it, and furthermore, it gives me pleasure to be good at what I do. If it's simply something like cleaning, or doing the laundry, or whatever the case may be, I get TREMENDOUS joy in knowing that in doing these things, I keep my household running smoothly and that I make my husband happy.

To me, there is no greater task in this world than seeing to the needs of my family and house. It makes me extremely happy to know that I'm doing a good job, and I'm told so by my DH all the time. Just like any person would be happy to receive praise at work for a job well done, so too do I. I LOVE to do little things for my husband: I get him his drinks, I rub his back or his feet when they hurt, I make sure that the table is always laid and ready for dinner. And you know what? He's ALWAYS appreciative of that! I am a forever-worrier; everything bothers me and makes me worry...and one of the things I worry over is whether I show him enough that I love him. I'm not incredibly verbally expressive, but he always maintains that through my actions he can easily see that I do love him...which in turn causes me to worry less about it and feel more secure.

I don't choose submissiveness because I am a weak-willed woman. It's something entirely natural and normal for me. I've been submissive by nature for my entire life, ever since I was a child. Consider it the opposite of the classic Type-A personality, if you'd like. I'm not pushy, I don't enjoy the spotlight. I don't enjoy being the one in charge. I prefer to be the person in the background, getting what needs to be done, done without any rewards or applause for it.

Yes, I do think that submissiveness is a choice. No dominant man could ever actually be allowed to be dominant if his woman refuses to submit to him. To me, giving the gift of submission to my husband is my ultimate gift to him: it shows that I hold him in tremendous esteem, that I trust him implicitly above ALL other men. I feel more comfortable with myself, far stronger and more secure, because of the nature of our relationship.

I've tried doing it both ways. In my previous marriage, I desired to be a SAHM, to raise children and mind the house. My ex was fine with having a house slave, but that's really just what he thought of our "marriage". It took me a while to realize it, but he thought that marriage was having someone to do everything for him while he worked. He thought it was all about him working, and doing nothing else, then coming home and having sex with me whether I liked it or not. He wasn't dominant at all; in fact, he demurred to me in EVERYTHING. At first I liked it. I liked being in charge and having a man give me what I want, whenever I wanted it. But after a short time, it began to wear and tear on me. I realized through observing his behavior that he's not a strong man at all. I lost all respect for him, and between that and a variety of other things, that was the beginning of the end of that marriage for me.


When I left him, I was already so disenfranchised with the "wimpy man" type (which he was in spades, video game obsession included!), that I was determined to stay single forever. It wasn't until I found Kenny that I realized that our plans can often go awry, and often for the best of reasons. Where my ex was weak, in Kenny I found a strong man, one who was opinionated and highly intelligent. Before we ever met, I KNEW he was the one for me. Being with him makes me feel like a stronger person and a more confident woman. I trust him COMPLETELY. I don't worry about him making the wrong decision for our family, because I know his mind, and his morals, and his way of thinking. We are in accord in everything in our lives, and I mean EVERYTHING. When you have this kind of confidence in your man, it makes it very easy to allow him to take charge and be the leader.

The way I see it (feel free to bash me, if you will) is that it's the "equal partnership" relationships which are harder to make work. In every aspect of nature, there is a leader and a follower. Look in business: someone must be the boss, and someone must be the employee. Look in the animal world: one must be the pack leader, and the rest followers. These sorts of examples go on and on.

It seems to me that this pattern is one of Natural Order, and it oughtn't be messed with. Someone must lead. How can two people BOTH be the leaders in a household? It would be nothing but a power struggle till the end of time, with constant arguements and fighting over who gets to be in charge, over whose ideas and decisions are the right ones.

Perhaps I'm getting a tad off track of the subject, but this is the way that I see a naturally dominant/submissive relationship. It's just a part of the Natural Order of the world. I don't need god to tell me so, because I can clearly see it evident in almost every facet of the world around me. In fact, I'd venture to say (for those of us who are religious or Christian) that since God created everything, how he would like us to interact in our own personal relationships should be as obvious as observing the world around us. For thousands-- or more-- of years, it was the man's responsibility to lead, to protect his family, and to provide for their support. It was the woman's responsibility to see to the home, to the comfort of her family, and to the raising of children. Somewhere along the line all that went awry. I just figure that, for myself and in my relationship, that we're following a time-tested and proven method that WORKS.

It might not work for everyone, but it doesn't hurt trying. After all, I can't think of many other people I know in my personal life that can claim and have it said true that they NEVER fight or even argue with their spouse. Even my own mother tried to tell me that my relationship is WRONG because I maintain that we never fight. She says that EVERYONE fights, which makes us apparently abnormal.

If that's the case, I'm glad to be in the abnormal minority.

Trust vs. Jealousy

This is a subject that I see come up time and again on my mom's forums. A woman's DH talks to someone that they don't approve of-- be it an ex girlfriend, a female coworker, and the list goes on and on-- and upon finding out, it blows up into this HUGE fight. One of the ladies recently started a huge row and told her husband off simply because he was talking to an old high school girlfriend over Facebook and said girlfriend sent him a couple of old football articles.

Not only did she tell her husband off, she clearly thought that she would get backing for her rude and inconsiderate behavior. It seems to me that she was just as upset when other moms were telling her that she should have handled it in a different way than she was finding out about her husband talking to an old flame.

The part that I find sad about all this is that there's a simple lack of trust...almost everywhere, it seems. If this were an unusual occurrance, I wouldn't think about it too much at all. The fact of the matter is that, nowadays, women simply don't trust their men.

It's really a two way street when it comes to trust in relationships. If you show trust, your partner will be trustworthy in return. If you do not show trust, then your partner may end up feeling that there's no more need for him to be trustworthy...simply because no matter what he does, you won't trust him anyway. The degree of frustration over his ability to actually Do Anything Right will leave him disenchanted at best, and at worst drive him away.

When I read these sorts of things, it makes me ever so glad that I don't have to worry about things like this. While I do admit to jealousy on the occasion, I fully realize that this jealousy is all in my head and it isn't doing me any good. I truly have no need to be jealous of K's ex, because of one simple fact that he told me:

If he wanted her, he would still be with her. He chose ME. He's with ME. He's in MY bed every night.

I still talk to my ex, on the rare occasion. When I do, I try to keep it as short as possible, because it's a part of my life that I simply would like to get past. But he remains on my Facebook profile as a friend-- for a variety of reasons, among them so that I can get ahold of him easier when the time comes for me to file papers-- and, shock and amazement! K doesn't ever get distrustful of me. He has absolutely no jealousy or resentment of what came before. I know this for a fact because, if he did, he would talk to me and tell me!

I'm secure enough in my relationship to know that much. Without genuine communication, nothing's left but that a sense of mistrust and apprehension, which are left to grow and fester until it drives a wedge into the relationship. It doesn't matter if these negative emotions are real or imagined: by nursing them and not letting them out, you make them as real as if they actually were.

Why should K be mistrustful of my previous relationships, really? We both know that my marriage to my ex was...shall we say, less than satisfactory? I wasn't happy at all, through the entire duration of the marriage to my ex, and now that I'm well away from him and with K, I am. I, in turn, know that K's former relationship was just as bad for him, and that being with me is what makes him happy. I still can't fathom that fact sometimes, but yet...there it is. And really? If that's enough for K, it's enough for me, too.

Being confident and secure like this-- having real, genuine trust in one's partner and knowing it's returned in kind-- is one of the most amazing and fulfilling parts of being in a relationship. True trust is an apparently rare gift today, because so often women are so caught up in their own insecurities that they fail to see everywhere that their relationship's gone right. They forget about the fact that The Ex is the ex...for a reason.

Submission vs. Religion

One of the things I've griped about to K on a regular basis is dealing with labels. The inconsistencies and misinformation about just what submission is was one of the reasons I decided to make this blog in the first place. I've spent plenty of time on here already writing about why submission doesn't automatically mean BDSM, but now I want to go another route: religion.

I've been doing research on submission for years. Even as a teenager, I realized this innate need to be submissive, which sparked hours upon hours of fruitless searching for others like me. The best place to research, of course, is the internet, but simply Googling "submission" or "submissive" is bound to give an absolutely massive list of things I'm not looking for. One of those, of course, is religion.

I'm a firm believer in Natural Order. While I am very spiritual, not all of my beliefs line up precisely with biblical teachings, and it's for that reason I shy away from any sites proclaiming submission due to God's will. It doesn't take rocket science for me to understand that it IS, in fact, God's will for a woman to defer to her husband. I just personally don't feel that I need the bible to tell me that, nor half a hundred fundamentalist Christian ladies to tell the same.

I've spent some time talking about Natural Order before. For those that can't be bothered to read, I'll give my interpretation of it. God created the universe, and with it came all those tricksy little rules we call scientific Laws. Try for a moment to go against the Law of Gravity, and see what happens. The Laws of Motion...no one can get out of those. The list, in fact, is simply staggering: our entire universe is governed by all these laws, and there's nothing anyone can do to change them. Unfortunately, there is one law that's never talked about, and that's in regard to household roles.

The reason for that, of course, is simple to find. Feminism has gone a long way toward ruining Natural Order by insisting that a woman is weak, lazy, or selfish if she desires of a Natural, traditional way of life in her relationship. The fact of the matter is simple: not EVERYONE can be a leader. For every leader, someone must follow. This is truth in every aspect of human relationships, from the workplace to the home. Why, then, are we told that it's wrong if we follow Natural Order and take a step back so our men-- generally considered natural-born leaders-- can head the household and do the leading for us?

All over the bible there are commandments or assertations that a man should be the head of the household. One quote goes like this:

Ephesians 5:22 -- Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. --KJV

The commandments here-- this scripture being the foremost quoted in favor of biblical submission-- are as plain as day. A woman is instructed to submit to her husband, and a husband is commanded to LOVE his wife as his own body. It doesn't command him to lord it over his wife, or make her feel inferior to him.

The rub lies in the translation of the word "submit". There are so many misunderstandings of the word that the actual term gets entirely lost in translation the moment it's said.

Dictionary.com defines the word submit this way:

sub·mit
[suh-b·mit] verb, -mit·ted, -mit·ting.
verb (used with object)

1.
to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
2.
to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.
3.
to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others: to submit a plan; to submit an application.
4.
to state or urge with deference; suggest or propose (usually followed by a clause): I submit that full proof should be required.

So submission, in essence means to yield or defer authority to another. Nowhere in this definition is there an allusion that doing so makes one less superior or less intellectual to another. Nowhere does it say that the one doing the submitting loses everything of themselves, nor does it state that the person in authority has the ultimate, final say.

Now, I promised myself that I wouldn't get too heavily into the bible as the basis for this article. Not everyone follows the bible or the teachings of Christ, and it's my determination to keep out religion as much as I can throughout this blog. It was something I had to talk about at least once or twice, however, because of the staggering number of people that follow these Natural Laws due to religious convictions.

I went ahead and did a bit of research on men versus women in the role of natural-born leadership capabilities, and while there's plenty on the subject itself, I found a post by a lady on some random forum that sums it up perfectly. 

 

Are men really more intelligent than women? Why have men been made natural leaders? Why do we always rely on them to make vital decisions?

Well let’s start by analyzing the differences between the two sexes. Women and men aren’t the opposite of one another but on the contrary they complement each other: this means that one isn’t superior to the other when abilities are involved. If men are physically stronger, women are emotionally stronger; sometimes the strong will of women have made them able to go through tougher physical pains and struggles such as delivery and menstrual pain. What man could ever bear the pain of giving birth to a baby? Sounds strange but someone could say that all in all men aren’t as strong as they claim but that women, maternal instinct combined with the love for their loved ones, are better survival in tough times. But even at this point men are still made leaders in every department worldwide. The society has been patriarchal as long as we can remember and the justification has always been the hierarchy inspired by God to men in the Bible. However there are some societies where religions like Islam, Judaism and Christianity are unknown but yet the man is still the head of the home. Why?

The answer is more simple than it seems. Naturally men are instinctive: this means they are physical just like most of their needs. Like wild animals (no offense meant) their main preoccupations are to protect their lives and those of their loved ones and provide them with everything they need to be safe. That’s what we call “Survival Instinct”. Since their role is to protect lives, they have developed the ability to think faster (not necessarily deeper) than women, as it can take less than a second for a life to be broken. They might be insensitive to internal suffering but they sure perceive any type of threat to their safety. This said, we can understand why men are natural leaders but we still haven’t answered another important question: are they really more intelligent?

Being instinctive means thinking primarily of our needs, thus putting ourselves before any other thing. If we think just a moment of those people we repute to be intelligent we’d see they are those who somehow always do all they can to get what they want. Not just anything but the one which requires less time. Normally we say these individuals are smart because they know the easiest and fastest way to success, well men are just like that. Used to think fast when problems arise they give the impression of being smarter but they are simply instinctive because if we should consider every aspect of the decisions they make we’d see that only the antecedent has been considered and not the consequence. Whatever will be, will be. Women on the other hand, being more emotional, are likely to put themselves in other people’s shoes so they always reflect on what can happen if they should act this way rather than that way. This makes them quite slow in decisions making, but that doesn’t make them less capable: in fact they are accurate observers and analyzers.

Knowing this defect of ours of taking too much time to make a decision, we often let the men make those that are required immediately: finance; while we keep the others which concern a farther future to ourselves: getting married, creating a family; long term decisions to be precise.

After this brief but attentive breakdown of the differences between men and women, we can conclude by saying that both sexes are intelligent: men are fast thinkers, while women are attentive observers. However if the latter never think of possible reactions to their actions, the former also take too much time to act. All in all, they are on the same level. One can’t be without the other. The man would go on creating one disaster after the other, while the woman would get old thinking of what move she should make.

Ending: oh, yes! We sure complement each other!

--michelin89, taken from http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-143533.0.html

As can be seen through the course of this segment, there's absolutely no need to point toward religion as the only reason for natural dominance or submission. It's a simple biological fact that men are hard-wired toward supporting, providing, and protecting, while women are wired for loving, caring, and nurturing. Going against that grain is simply going against Natural Order.

Now, I'm not saying that these traits are 100% true across the board. This isn't about absolutes where it concerns personalities. I've met many strong women, and many nurturing men. That doesn't mean, however, that a strong woman MUST be dominant in order to be fulfilled, nor does it mean that a nurturing, loving man must be submissive because that's just their nature. Their true nature is to follow what Natural Law dictates, because none of these traits are mutually exclusive. One doesn't have to ONLY be strong and dominant at the same time; one doesn't have to ONLY be nurturing and submissive at the same time.

The fact of the matter is simply this: religion did not CREATE Natural Laws. They are only reinforcing the Absolute Truth of the matter. Therefore, there's very little need to bring religion into it at all.

I Married My First Love...

...and it didn't take a piece of paper from the government for me to believe it.

Being with K certainly wasn't my first relationship. I'd been through several, and they usually started out seemingly alright then took a swift turn for the worse. I went the whole legal marriage thing with the wedding and the dress and the stupid marriage license. None of it worked. It didn't work because of one simple fact:

I WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH ANY OF THEM.

K is the first person, and only man, I will ever and have ever truly loved. I knew it before I ever met him that we were meant to be together, and we sealed our dedication in marriage under the eyes of God through planned sexual union for this very purpose. From that first moment, we have been man and wife, and for this reason I say I married my first love.

He is my first, last, and always.

Pornography Is Infidelity.

More and more in this day and age, I've seen questions from scared women, wondering if their significant other/husband is cheating on them. Often to blame is secretive text messages over cell phones, or the ever-dreaded internet pornography. There are those who feel that porn isn't bad; after all, if ladies are watching it WITH their husbands, he's not keeping secrets from them. ...right?

Wrong. Porn is the fantasy. It is whatever the film tells men they should expect in the bedroom. It might start out as curiosity, but it always grows into much more than that. Men in time come to expect their girlfriends or wives to be whores, there to pleasure them whenever and wherever the urge strikes. They stop seeing the loving, caring, feminine natures of their counterparts and instead see a TOOL to be USED for their own self-gratification.

The reason for this is simple: people who watch pornography eventually buy into the lie. They begin to covet what they see on the screen (be it tv or computer). They begin to grow sour against their own life relationship, wondering "How can I get my girlfriend/wife to do a threesome with another girl?" and all sorts of other things. In essence, they believe that what they see on that tv screen IS reality, and they begin to hate and loathe the truth in their life.

Eventually, many of them stop having sex with their partners and instead masturbate to the images on the screen. Why is that? Because they no longer respect their partner and instead want to have sex with what it is that they're watching.

Thinking about cheating on your partner, in my opinion, is just the same as doing it. You may not have actively screwed someone else, but if the opportunity presented itself, all those thoughts would manifest themselves and make it SO MUCH EASIER to "slip up" and actually cheat. Porn is no help with this at all. It only gives fuel for the fire of raging hormones while killing all moral thought at the same time.

Feminism.

Most people would probably say that I am one of those traditional sort of people. I believe that the best place for a woman is in her home with her children, and it's a man's responsibility to support his family. Now, I understand completely that in this day and age it's very difficult to make ends meet. We're no longer in the 50s, where mom can stay at home and dad can go to work and come home from his 9 to 5. However, if it's possible, I don't see why it shouldn't be that way.

As I was growing up, I was always told "Don't let people drag you down for being a woman. You can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want to do." The part that they seemed to have forgotten to mention is that I could be whatever I wanted SO LONG AS I DID WHAT THEY WANTED, WHICH IS TO GET MY ASS IN GEAR AND HAVE A HIGH PAYING CAREER.

What I did and always have wanted was to be a stay at home mother, but in this society more often than not SAHMs are considered too lazy to work, uncaring and unmindful of the hard work that their mates put in to support their family. They're often espoused as sitting around the house all day, eating bon-bons and watching daytime soaps. Factually, this is rarely true at all. I know it's certainly not the case for me!

Working out of the home is a woman's choice, just like any other choice, and I'd never like to see that taken away. There were a couple of good things that came from the women's movement (one of them being suffrage), but I personally believe that so many families throwing their children into day care has done a lot of harm to society. I think working it out so that a mother can raise her children herself would be of tremendous benefit to all of society.

You can't do it, you say? Too many bills, not enough income without the two paychecks? Try cutting back. Try living more frugally. Use coupons. Shop wisely. Take only one vacation a year instead of two. Cut up those credit cards. Stop borrowing money. Stop feeling the need to have whatever is current and new NOW instead of saving up for it. It's not hard to do, but many Americans wouldn't even bother trying. They're happy with their lives, or at least they think they are.

I sit outside sometimes in the evenings and watch the neighbors pull in from work. They come with their two brand new cars, shuttling their preschool-aged children from daycare into the house. I've never once seen these people play outside with their kids. Hell, sometimes I didn't even realize they had kids for months! How can they think they have the good life when their children are growing up without them, spending every day from seven in the morning till six at night with someone else? I don't know. I just don't think it's right or fair to both parents or their children. Maybe they don't see any other way to do it.

I just find it incredibly sad.

The Paper Means Nothing.

I used to be one of those girls that sat and daydreamed all day long about what my perfect wedding would look like. What would I wear? Who would attend? What would be the color scheme? The list goes on and on. When I got around to my "real" wedding, it was nothing like I'd hoped for, and for that matter, neither was the marriage. When I decided to end it (for a variety of reasons), I determined that I would never marry again, nor would I ever go looking for love.

Yes, I was disenfranchised, but it's to be expected when all my fantasies were nothing but crap in the face of a "real" marriage.

I gave up hope for awhile, not realizing that my expectations about relationships weren't really that high. Beforehand, I'd thought that I could never have the total package and everything that goes along with it. I was so hung up on that piece of paper that I didn't realize what actually constitute a REAL marriage...until I met K.

Finding him came completely out of the blue. I hadn't really been looking; all I wanted was to find someone that I shared interests with, on a purely intellectual basis. And then it blew up into something far bigger, and frankly, it scared me. But we talked about it and discussed our feelings until all hours of the night until I felt a lot better about Falling and Being In Love. Once I felt free to love again, then I experienced it for the first time, with him.

We spent a lot of time talking about the nature of relationships and what makes a marriage. K suggested to me that it isn't the piece of paper that makes a marriage. The piece of paper is from man, a license to wed going against what should otherwise be a completely spiritual experience. He asserted that marriage is a contract between two lovers and God, and that sexual union should never be entered into lightly. In fact, it should only be entered into with the idea that the one you make love with is your intended one and only, and in doing so you declare before God that this person is your mate, for all time.

I spent awhile thinking about that. It wasn't hard for me to realize that there was some undeniable truth hidden there, right in plain sight. I thought about all the relationships I'd had over the course of my adult life. I let my hormones rule my body without my heart being in it, resulting in less than satisfactory results. I even tried sex purposefully without "strings", or "friends with benefits", with the thought that I didn't need to have emotion involved to have "a good time", and it resulted in self-loathing, dissatisfaction, and disgust of my person. I realized that part of the reason they all failed so badly was because the proper motivation for sex just wasn't there.

K and I talked a lot about meeting, and on the first day we did, we went in with the intent to solidify our dedication to each other through sexual union under the eyes of God. It was very much planned, as opposed to being a spontaneous heat of the moment event resulting in yet more dissatisfaction. Some might say that all the magic was taken out of the act through all the planning we did before we went into it, but I found it to be very much the opposite. It was a very spiritual experience, and we both came away solidly feeling that our union would be blessed by God for approaching the matter of sex in that very same profound, spiritual way.

And it has.

I don't believe for one moment that the piece of paper is enough to make one "feel" married. Marriage comes from God as our higher power, not the local government. I learned this, clearly, through all the experiences of my life, and only after realizing the truth have I come to have true happiness.