In Defense of Godly Submission

This is my response on a forum in relation to the topic of Godly / Biblical Submission. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I consider it to be one of the most important things that is lacking in most relationships in this day and age. I truly feel that more women would be happier in their marriages if they would just give in to God...and submit to their worthy husbands.

And so, I wrote the below:

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I have written on the topic of submission so many times now that I don't even know where to begin! lol

I'm a very firm believer in Godly headship, and that women are to submit to their husband's authority. The husband, in turn, must answer to Christ and ultimately God for the health, safety, and well-being of his family-- not only spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally as well. A man who is abusive or uses Godly submission as an excuse to trod upon his wife IS NOT DESERVING OF HEADSHIP.

IMO, the key to being able to submit to Godly authority-- and therefore to your husband-- means having a husband WORTHY of submitting to!

A Godly man that does his best to be all that he has to be to ensure the happiness and safety of his family. He works hard, takes care of his children, leads his family spiritually. He is a strong man and therefore he makes it easier for a Godly woman to submit to him.

Much like any company or institution, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE PERSON IN ULTIMATE AUTHORITY. There is a President and a Vice-President, but the President is always the higher authority, the end-all, be-all of decision-making.

No business can be run when every moment is a power-struggle, when every executive decision made is constantly questioned and nitpicked and second-guessed. All this sort of behavior will do is start to make the President second-guess his every move...and eventually he won't want to make a decision at all, his self-confidence being completely shattered because no one is confident IN him.

Does that mean that the President does not ever CONSULT his VP? No, of course not. They should have calm, rational discussions on a day-to-day basis regarding the runnings of the business. They should not let their wants and emotions get in the way of reaching a decision, but do what is best for the entire company.

Ephesians 5:25-33

King James Version (KJV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The bible does not tell husbands to SUBJUGATE their wives, nor does it say that wives must tolerate abusive, controlling behaviors. It does not say that men must schedule out every waking moment of their wife's life.

The bible COMMANDS men to love their wives as their own body! So clearly, they would be going against God's expressed commands if they were to abuse the trust their submissive wife has placed in them!

I do have a mind. I have thoughts and opinions. I have beliefs. And I can and DO express all those things to my husband-- who IS my Head of Household. And you know what? Because he is worthy of my submission, he listens to every word I say and takes my counsel into account before he goes and makes huge decisions that will effect our relationship or our entire family.

Does he tell me what I should wear every day? What we should eat? How I should do my hair (or in my case, mandate that I cover)? What we should buy at the store? ...and on and on and on? Heck, no! He trusts me enough to know that I am perfectly capable of presenting myself as a good, wholesome, modest, feminine woman. He trusts me enough to know that as his wife, companion, and household steward, that I know more about running the house and other things of importance than he does! And when/if I'm unable to perform my role as a homemaker (such as if I'm ill, or like now, when I'm unfortunately working and he's laid off)...well, he just asks me how I think he should do it!

A real man would never be afraid to ask his woman how to do anything. As the Head of the Household, it is his responsibility to ensure that he knows ALL the functions of the house, his own responsibilities as well as mine.

I think the rub lies in what people think "SUBMISSIVE" actually means. It's been so twisted and distorted and given such a negative connotation that there is always this massive knee-jerk reaction whenever the word is even casually mentioned. You can thank (or rather, blame) feminism for that one.

Through searching the scriptures for the actual TRUTH, people can come to learn what REAL submission means and how they should live their lives in a God-fearing manner.

The Hypocracy of Christian Modesty

As someone who is highly interested in the topic at hand, I've done countless hours of research into modesty. There are innumerable reasons for choosing to be modest-- which I have recounted many here and elsewhere across the web. Unfortunately, in the course of all this research, I've stumbled across a sad truth.

One of the largest hypocrisies I see propagated by the Christian mainstream is the idea of modesty in and of itself, and to whom the command to be modest is actually for. It is true that the majority of church denominations will say that modesty is something to be desired...but the divergence comes when they seem to espouse the idea that modesty is only meant for women.

I've seen the argument time and again on mainstream Christian websites dealing with modesty:  men are more VISUAL than women, therefore when a woman is immodest around men it is a greater stumbling block to them and leads to more incidents of lustful or improper thoughts. 

Following this roundabout logic (and I hate to say it, but...), the feminists are almost right. Women are still being blamed for the ideas and thoughts of men. Men do objectify women. Often enough, if a woman is sexually assaulted, what she was wearing at the time still does come into question. There are still men who blame women for their own shortcomings and inability to control their sinful, base urges.

And yes, all of that roundabout logic is garbage.

All that being said, I still think that the italicized statement above is a complete crock. Why? ...well, I spend some of my free time on Pinterest (for those that don't know, it's an online picture collecting site). I enjoy surfing around for cute, modest outfits, home decorating ideas, recipes, and inspirational quotes. I'll tell you one thing: that site is a GREAT tool for getting into the heads of both women AND men.

The hugest thing I've noticed is that the idea that MEN are the visual ones and MEN are the ones doing all the objectifying is complete and utter BS. I cannot look through a single post without seeing scores of half-naked men, all sweaty with sexy looks on their faces and shirtless with all their chest and arm muscles rippling. Not only that, but it's WOMEN who are posting all this, and making indecent and downright crude remarks about them!

"Mmmm! Yummy!" "He's so hot!" "I'd do that!" ...yeah.

Women are just as much visual creatures as men are, and they're just as sexualized, crude, rude, and dirty towards men. Seeing men in any state of undress is just as much of a stumbling block, but because this mistaken idea still exists, it continually gets overlooked.

The churches that throw a fit when a woman is caught in a skirt higher than her kneecaps while not chastising their men for running around shirtless (hopefully not at church!) are doing their members a huge disservice. Yes, it might be "hot outside"...but you don't see women running around with their shirts off. That, to their minds, would practically scream "Rape me!" However, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, too. They have that age-old adage for a reason, because it's true.

...I don't think it's too much to ask for men to suck it up and keep their clothes on. There's only one man I want to see in ANY state of undress, and that's my husband!

Modesty isn't just for women: it's for everyone.

My Personal Debate Over Hairstyling

So I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately (those are two of my most-used personality traits). As I've written before, modesty and submission are both huge things for me. They are absolutely essential to my psychological and spiritual makeup, as it were. I've gotten to thinking more about being modest and being submissive, and what that means to me.

I've had some huge issues where it regards my head, head-covering, and hair. A lot of people claim that 1 Corinthians 11 is referring to hair as a head-covering. I can't say that I agree with them, because I feel that the headcovering mentioned there is referring to something physically covering over the top of a woman's head. However, I can say that I get where they're coming from, and some of that feeling is manifesting in my internal debate.

As much as I've always tried to stay away from just using the bible as a source for Truth, it doesn't seem to happen, because I find a LOT of Truths in there. One of the ones I've been thinking about revolving around this subject is a particular idea that a woman's hair is her glory.

Since I was thirteen, I've been chopping my hair off. I'm not talking about shoulder length or anything like that: I mean full-out boy-short hair. I think doing so was a huge part of my "rebellion"-- if you can even call it that; I was nothing if not a very compliant child AND teen-- against my father's belief that all women and girls should have long hair.

I've justified wanting to chop off my hair a million different ways. I've gone the route of "It's my body and I'll do what I want with it" (shudder, I sound like a die-hard feminist liberal harpy bitch in that one...). I've reasoned with myself that it's only hair and it'll grow back anyways. I've said that having a short haircut makes me feel more cute or active or confident or self-assured or insert-positive-adjective-here. I've also worked it around in my head that because my hair is so coarse and thick, it tends to give me headaches the longer it gets, so the best solution is to just cut it short. Not only that, but it's a mess to try and untangle once it gets to that certain point.

But now I'm kind of at a time in my life where I feel evermore a huge desire to look and act more feminine, and that part of me that grew up with my Daddy mandating that women MUST have long hair is starting to prod at me again. Not only that, but the last time I got my hair cut, I was extremely pleased with the outcome...but it seemed to me that my HOH was not so much. He preferred my hair longer, and truth be told, his opinion of how I look matters to me more than my own opinion of how I look. After all, he's the one looking at ME day and night, while the only time I look at myself is when I look in a mirror. I don't do that all too often, so...

I'm not sure...CAN a woman be feminine and girly while still having short hair? Is wanting to keep my hair short a matter of pride for me? Should I or should I not value my HOH's opinion of my looks over my own? 

Because I'm having an urge to let it grow and suffer the headaches-- literal and figurative-- that goes along with it, with the idea that it will please my HOH and God to be more womanly in appearance.

Decision: undecided. Sigh.

Modesty in an Immodest World

When most people think of modesty, what do they think of?

That's a loaded question, because of course people think all kinds of things. I know when I reached my later teens and early twenties, I had a rather negative viewpoint of modesty. I was raised to be modest, you see, and once I left my father's home I decided I would simply do what I want. Skirts below my knees? Not on your life! High-collared shirts? Oh, hell no! I was woman, hear me roar...and all that other nonsense.

When I was that age, I decided to go against much of what I was taught in matters of looks and appearance. It was rebellion on my part, and I thank God that I'm smart enough to not have been a REAL rebel and get myself into illegal drugs or binge drinking, as so many young adults do in this day and age. No, my rebellion was in how I looked, and by God, I was going to do what I wanted and dress how I wanted.

So, yeah. I showed up at nightclubs at the age of twenty-one wearing little more than a fishnet dress, thong, over-bust corset, and knee-high stiletto boots. Pretty much everything I had was on display for everyone to see...and I did get a LOT of looks. How could I not?

Did I love the attention it got me? ...not so much.

Instead of feeling free, beautiful, and desired, fully in charge of my femininity and the burden of responsibility cast off...I kind of felt like crap. I felt like a slab of meat. Men's eyes were on me everywhere I went in that club, and I knew EXACTLY what they were thinking. They didn't even HAVE to undress me in their head. Hell, I did it for them! Get them a little too drunk, and I could've faced a really bad situation. Thank you, God, that nothing more than a few errant drunken gropes happened. 

Rather than making me feel good, this behavior-- this acting out-- made me feel cheap and sleazy.

Damnit. Those feminists lied to me...again!

Modesty sans frumpiness!

Nowadays? I'm older and wiser. Fortunately. I've thrown off the feminist propaganda that tells me I can damn well do what I please and damn the consequences of my actions...and in doing so I've gotten back to my roots. I'm generally conservative in nature to begin with (how I ended up half-naked at a club making out with girls and having a couple too many I can't even imagine now!), but my spiritual path is taking me even further than I was raised to be.

Why be modest, though? Is there really anything wrong with wearing a tank top and short shorts? I mean...I live in FLORIDA, the United States capital of God-awful summer heat! I SHOULD be able to bend the "rules" I've got in my head of what is modest and immodest...right?

Not so much. At least, not for me. To me, modesty is about respect. It's respect for myself, for my relationship with my HOH, and for God.

• Dressing in a trashy way with lots of skin showing isn't respectful to myself. It feels as though I don't value myself. I don't want to be one of those women who get ahead in life because they wear miniskirts and let their breasts hang half out. Let me instead be judged (if you will) based on my OWN merits...not by how I look. I want my children to grow up knowing that I respect myself. I want them to learn from my example and not make the same mistakes I have.
• I take a great amount of pride in my relationship. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm submissive to my HOH naturally; it doesn't take any effort on my part whatsoever. I consider the fact that how I dress is not only a reflection on me, but it also is a reflection on HIM and our relationship. I have respect and deep, deep love for him and our relationship, and I aim to show it through my style of dress. My body is his to see...and his alone. I am not for public display.
• God created us all beautiful, in our way. I wouldn't cover myself up in ugly sacks and say "This is what God wants from me!", waving around my piousness like a badge of honor. I'm a humble person...but I still want to be pretty. God made women to be beautiful, so just because I won't wear tank-tops anymore and prefer long skirts does NOT mean I am all of a sudden going to wear ugly clothes. News flash: I can wear bright colors and lively patterns on my clothes and STILL look modest!

Of course, not everyone will agree with this, and I don't really care one way or the other if they do or not. I know how I feel when I dress modestly, in long skirts and dresses.

I feel feminine.

I feel pretty.

I feel confident.

I feel respectful AND respected.

To me, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing at all...

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To see the kinds of styles I enjoy, feel free to follow me on Pinterest, my second best hobby! 

 

The above photo is courtesy of Gal Meets Glam.