In Defense of Godly Submission

This is my response on a forum in relation to the topic of Godly / Biblical Submission. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I consider it to be one of the most important things that is lacking in most relationships in this day and age. I truly feel that more women would be happier in their marriages if they would just give in to God...and submit to their worthy husbands.

And so, I wrote the below:

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I have written on the topic of submission so many times now that I don't even know where to begin! lol

I'm a very firm believer in Godly headship, and that women are to submit to their husband's authority. The husband, in turn, must answer to Christ and ultimately God for the health, safety, and well-being of his family-- not only spiritually, but also physically, mentally, and emotionally as well. A man who is abusive or uses Godly submission as an excuse to trod upon his wife IS NOT DESERVING OF HEADSHIP.

IMO, the key to being able to submit to Godly authority-- and therefore to your husband-- means having a husband WORTHY of submitting to!

A Godly man that does his best to be all that he has to be to ensure the happiness and safety of his family. He works hard, takes care of his children, leads his family spiritually. He is a strong man and therefore he makes it easier for a Godly woman to submit to him.

Much like any company or institution, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE PERSON IN ULTIMATE AUTHORITY. There is a President and a Vice-President, but the President is always the higher authority, the end-all, be-all of decision-making.

No business can be run when every moment is a power-struggle, when every executive decision made is constantly questioned and nitpicked and second-guessed. All this sort of behavior will do is start to make the President second-guess his every move...and eventually he won't want to make a decision at all, his self-confidence being completely shattered because no one is confident IN him.

Does that mean that the President does not ever CONSULT his VP? No, of course not. They should have calm, rational discussions on a day-to-day basis regarding the runnings of the business. They should not let their wants and emotions get in the way of reaching a decision, but do what is best for the entire company.

Ephesians 5:25-33

King James Version (KJV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
³³ Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The bible does not tell husbands to SUBJUGATE their wives, nor does it say that wives must tolerate abusive, controlling behaviors. It does not say that men must schedule out every waking moment of their wife's life.

The bible COMMANDS men to love their wives as their own body! So clearly, they would be going against God's expressed commands if they were to abuse the trust their submissive wife has placed in them!

I do have a mind. I have thoughts and opinions. I have beliefs. And I can and DO express all those things to my husband-- who IS my Head of Household. And you know what? Because he is worthy of my submission, he listens to every word I say and takes my counsel into account before he goes and makes huge decisions that will effect our relationship or our entire family.

Does he tell me what I should wear every day? What we should eat? How I should do my hair (or in my case, mandate that I cover)? What we should buy at the store? ...and on and on and on? Heck, no! He trusts me enough to know that I am perfectly capable of presenting myself as a good, wholesome, modest, feminine woman. He trusts me enough to know that as his wife, companion, and household steward, that I know more about running the house and other things of importance than he does! And when/if I'm unable to perform my role as a homemaker (such as if I'm ill, or like now, when I'm unfortunately working and he's laid off)...well, he just asks me how I think he should do it!

A real man would never be afraid to ask his woman how to do anything. As the Head of the Household, it is his responsibility to ensure that he knows ALL the functions of the house, his own responsibilities as well as mine.

I think the rub lies in what people think "SUBMISSIVE" actually means. It's been so twisted and distorted and given such a negative connotation that there is always this massive knee-jerk reaction whenever the word is even casually mentioned. You can thank (or rather, blame) feminism for that one.

Through searching the scriptures for the actual TRUTH, people can come to learn what REAL submission means and how they should live their lives in a God-fearing manner.

The Hypocracy of Christian Modesty

As someone who is highly interested in the topic at hand, I've done countless hours of research into modesty. There are innumerable reasons for choosing to be modest-- which I have recounted many here and elsewhere across the web. Unfortunately, in the course of all this research, I've stumbled across a sad truth.

One of the largest hypocrisies I see propagated by the Christian mainstream is the idea of modesty in and of itself, and to whom the command to be modest is actually for. It is true that the majority of church denominations will say that modesty is something to be desired...but the divergence comes when they seem to espouse the idea that modesty is only meant for women.

I've seen the argument time and again on mainstream Christian websites dealing with modesty:  men are more VISUAL than women, therefore when a woman is immodest around men it is a greater stumbling block to them and leads to more incidents of lustful or improper thoughts. 

Following this roundabout logic (and I hate to say it, but...), the feminists are almost right. Women are still being blamed for the ideas and thoughts of men. Men do objectify women. Often enough, if a woman is sexually assaulted, what she was wearing at the time still does come into question. There are still men who blame women for their own shortcomings and inability to control their sinful, base urges.

And yes, all of that roundabout logic is garbage.

All that being said, I still think that the italicized statement above is a complete crock. Why? ...well, I spend some of my free time on Pinterest (for those that don't know, it's an online picture collecting site). I enjoy surfing around for cute, modest outfits, home decorating ideas, recipes, and inspirational quotes. I'll tell you one thing: that site is a GREAT tool for getting into the heads of both women AND men.

The hugest thing I've noticed is that the idea that MEN are the visual ones and MEN are the ones doing all the objectifying is complete and utter BS. I cannot look through a single post without seeing scores of half-naked men, all sweaty with sexy looks on their faces and shirtless with all their chest and arm muscles rippling. Not only that, but it's WOMEN who are posting all this, and making indecent and downright crude remarks about them!

"Mmmm! Yummy!" "He's so hot!" "I'd do that!" ...yeah.

Women are just as much visual creatures as men are, and they're just as sexualized, crude, rude, and dirty towards men. Seeing men in any state of undress is just as much of a stumbling block, but because this mistaken idea still exists, it continually gets overlooked.

The churches that throw a fit when a woman is caught in a skirt higher than her kneecaps while not chastising their men for running around shirtless (hopefully not at church!) are doing their members a huge disservice. Yes, it might be "hot outside"...but you don't see women running around with their shirts off. That, to their minds, would practically scream "Rape me!" However, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, too. They have that age-old adage for a reason, because it's true.

...I don't think it's too much to ask for men to suck it up and keep their clothes on. There's only one man I want to see in ANY state of undress, and that's my husband!

Modesty isn't just for women: it's for everyone.

What is Being a Submissive Wife?

I wrote the forthcoming little snippet on the 11th of January of this year in one of my mom's groups and just happened to stumble across it by accident. Once I reread back over it and realized that it needs to be re-posted somewhere where it can get more exposure.

Some of these things have changed-- especially in the realm of my staying at home, because I now work-- but it's still pertinent and I've left it in its entirety without changing anything.

So here goes!

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To me, being a woman submitting to one's husband is a matter of following Natural Order-- the rules of the universe given to us by our Creator to live by. Since the dawn of time, this is how it's been, and only ever changed until very recently. It makes absolutely no sense to me to live the way people do now. The constant struggle for power over the relationship and always wondering who is in charge is asinine at best. It's no wonder children are growing up nowadays not knowing what role they are to play in life!

In a sense, I do follow my HOH in a biblical way, too, although I don't do so because I'm a Christian. I'm actually not, although I do believe in Jesus Christ, his message, and God's all-encompassing love. I just firmly believe that the bible taught us that families should be ordered this way simply because it is Natural for us to do so...or, if you want to put it biblically, because God wants us to live this way. Since God is the Maker of All Things, following the biblical standards set forth is simply True, Right, and Natural, because he is the Creator of everything and therefore all Natural Laws belong to God. ...if you can follow my roundabout logic! 

My position is that if it worked so well for so long with the man being the head of the household, it oughtn't have ever been changed in the first place. 

I am a natural submissive in the realm of the classic 50s style housewife. I love to cook and clean, and especially love taking care of my man. I prefer to stay at home to do this, and he prefers it as well. Submitting is easy for me because my HOH makes it very easy for me to do: he's hardworking, extremely trustworthy, caring, loving, considerate, and strong. He always thinks of his family first before worrying about himself. His morals are unshakable, and he has not and never will give me cause to doubt him.

My Personal Debate Over Hairstyling

So I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately (those are two of my most-used personality traits). As I've written before, modesty and submission are both huge things for me. They are absolutely essential to my psychological and spiritual makeup, as it were. I've gotten to thinking more about being modest and being submissive, and what that means to me.

I've had some huge issues where it regards my head, head-covering, and hair. A lot of people claim that 1 Corinthians 11 is referring to hair as a head-covering. I can't say that I agree with them, because I feel that the headcovering mentioned there is referring to something physically covering over the top of a woman's head. However, I can say that I get where they're coming from, and some of that feeling is manifesting in my internal debate.

As much as I've always tried to stay away from just using the bible as a source for Truth, it doesn't seem to happen, because I find a LOT of Truths in there. One of the ones I've been thinking about revolving around this subject is a particular idea that a woman's hair is her glory.

Since I was thirteen, I've been chopping my hair off. I'm not talking about shoulder length or anything like that: I mean full-out boy-short hair. I think doing so was a huge part of my "rebellion"-- if you can even call it that; I was nothing if not a very compliant child AND teen-- against my father's belief that all women and girls should have long hair.

I've justified wanting to chop off my hair a million different ways. I've gone the route of "It's my body and I'll do what I want with it" (shudder, I sound like a die-hard feminist liberal harpy bitch in that one...). I've reasoned with myself that it's only hair and it'll grow back anyways. I've said that having a short haircut makes me feel more cute or active or confident or self-assured or insert-positive-adjective-here. I've also worked it around in my head that because my hair is so coarse and thick, it tends to give me headaches the longer it gets, so the best solution is to just cut it short. Not only that, but it's a mess to try and untangle once it gets to that certain point.

But now I'm kind of at a time in my life where I feel evermore a huge desire to look and act more feminine, and that part of me that grew up with my Daddy mandating that women MUST have long hair is starting to prod at me again. Not only that, but the last time I got my hair cut, I was extremely pleased with the outcome...but it seemed to me that my HOH was not so much. He preferred my hair longer, and truth be told, his opinion of how I look matters to me more than my own opinion of how I look. After all, he's the one looking at ME day and night, while the only time I look at myself is when I look in a mirror. I don't do that all too often, so...

I'm not sure...CAN a woman be feminine and girly while still having short hair? Is wanting to keep my hair short a matter of pride for me? Should I or should I not value my HOH's opinion of my looks over my own? 

Because I'm having an urge to let it grow and suffer the headaches-- literal and figurative-- that goes along with it, with the idea that it will please my HOH and God to be more womanly in appearance.

Decision: undecided. Sigh.

A Note

To those who may be confused while reading through this blog...I apologize. Originally, I'd intended to write on some very specific topics, and while the going was good at first, I've noticed that I sort of lost steam somewhere through the middle.

I decided, instead, to create a new blog, in which I could stick my thoughts on a variety of topics of importance to me. I'd rather not be constrained into one or two subjects, or keep those subjects separate.

So here it is. Both my former blogs rolled into one. I hope you can make sense of it!

Stress and Staying Focused: A Rant

 Yes, I'm about to rant a little.

The title basically says it all, only "staying focused" is often a lot more difficult than people tend to think. I'm talking here about focusing on what matters.

Lately, my life has been revolving around one simple thing: THE JOB. 

Yeah, I like my job. I love that I get to help people experience something that's helped myself and many, many others (for those that do not know, I work retail selling electronic cigarettes-- it's helped me and so many other people quit smoking cigarettes). I love the fact that I've gotten promoted. I enjoy responsibility and am a highly organized person, so being assistant manager (or second key, as they call it; a term typically used to make people do more while not getting the extra pay for that responsibility) is perfect for me. I also do enjoy my coworkers-- most of the time. I love talking to people and seeing them walk out of the store happy. I especially love it when they come in looking for me because they were so happy with me, my personality, and how they were treated in my store.

Me in a nutshell.

What I don't like about the whole deal is the stress. The working environment is often stressful. What I don't like is that the stress is the result of the trickle-down effect: I'm stressed because my manager is stressed because HIS boss has the Big Wigs breathing down his neck. Would this job normally be stressful? I don't believe so, but because of that trickle-down, it sure is getting to be more and more every day.

What I don't like is the commute. Forty-five minutes one way, twice a day, absolutely sucks! I hate the fact that I'm anxious in traffic, that we only have one car, and that K. has to drive me back and forth or he won't have a car for himself and my son should something happen. 

I also hate the fact that moving "closer" to work-- and thereby lessening my commute time-- would mean moving into the city when we desire to get as FAR away from it and its bad influences as possible! I therefore have no other choice but to commute...or deal with city life, which is something we're absolutely not going to do.

What I don't like is the fact that I'm simply not used to working a "real job" anymore. Do I have a physically demanding job? No. But it is mentally stressful, and I end up absolutely exhausted by the end of each working day, no matter how long or short it is. 

Stress adversely affects me in a very physical way, and lack of proper sleep does the same. Just yesterday, I worked nearly twelve hours solid (a last minute "schedule change", don'tcha know) and ended up spending half of last night nauseous and sick as a dog as a result.

When I pray now? It's "Please, God, don't let Big Boss Guy be a complete and utter a-hole today, because I can't handle it right now!", not being thankful for everything great and wonderful I have in my life. Those amazing stay-up-till-all-hours-talking-God-with-my-lover nights? Too tired to make it more than half an hour now...and that half an hour usually ends up with me, bitching about WORK.

Not only that, but I feel like I'm losing time with my family, too. I force myself to stay awake much longer than feels comfortable and healthy every night after I come home from work because I'm not getting that close contact I need to keep on keeping on. 

K. says that it's still being together even when I'm sleeping (and I do get that concept), but I personally would far prefer his company while conscious. I want to be able to talk and tickle and laugh and play...not to spend that minimal quality time drooling onto my pillow. 

Going along with that is the fact that I feel like our sexual relationship is suffering because I'm too physically tired all week long to bother. Not that I don't want it, because I sure do! I'm just kind of at the point where I'm so thoroughly tired I go to sleep and hope I dream about sex. Hell, most days I'm too damn tired to even bother shaving my legs, never mind letting my man see them, or heaven forbid, get between them!

Of course, that's not saying I have or would ever deny my man physical intimacy. I just know that he's far too conscientious about how I feel and my needs to ask me or initiate anything when he knows how tired I am.

On my days off...? Well, judge for yourself. Here I am, on my day off, bitching about WORK.

So I come home exhausted all the time and constantly thinking about work: what I like about work, what I don't like about work, what this customer said, what my boss said, and on and on and on. I can't turn my brain off this garbage, and I know for sure that it's affecting me.

What I need to do is get focused again. Yes, I'm working right now. Is it the ideal situation for our family dynamic? Not really, no; but it's what we've been handed right now. 

I need to learn to keep my work AT WORK. I want to have more energy so that I can spend more time with my beloved and my child. It's hard to keep that balance, I know. But I think my first step in finding balance is staying focused on what's the most important thing to me.

Is The Job the most important thing to me? Hell, no. If it were gone tomorrow, yes, it would suck...but it surely wouldn't be the end of the world. There are other jobs out there to be had. 

In my life, "what matters" is my spirituality, my HOH, and my son. These are the things I need to get back into focus. I want to get back to praying because I love my life and my God, not to bitch about what's going wrong or ask for help! I want to have the energy to spend quality time with my family. I want to feel intimate with my HOH again!

The job is incidental. It's a tool to help me support my family. And I'll be damned if it becomes the driving force in my life! 

I will not allow myself to be absorbed into the proverbial collective and lose my entire life and existence to a paycheck and some company that doesn't give a flying crap about me, my welfare, or my family! 

It's just not worth it.

Modesty in an Immodest World

When most people think of modesty, what do they think of?

That's a loaded question, because of course people think all kinds of things. I know when I reached my later teens and early twenties, I had a rather negative viewpoint of modesty. I was raised to be modest, you see, and once I left my father's home I decided I would simply do what I want. Skirts below my knees? Not on your life! High-collared shirts? Oh, hell no! I was woman, hear me roar...and all that other nonsense.

When I was that age, I decided to go against much of what I was taught in matters of looks and appearance. It was rebellion on my part, and I thank God that I'm smart enough to not have been a REAL rebel and get myself into illegal drugs or binge drinking, as so many young adults do in this day and age. No, my rebellion was in how I looked, and by God, I was going to do what I wanted and dress how I wanted.

So, yeah. I showed up at nightclubs at the age of twenty-one wearing little more than a fishnet dress, thong, over-bust corset, and knee-high stiletto boots. Pretty much everything I had was on display for everyone to see...and I did get a LOT of looks. How could I not?

Did I love the attention it got me? ...not so much.

Instead of feeling free, beautiful, and desired, fully in charge of my femininity and the burden of responsibility cast off...I kind of felt like crap. I felt like a slab of meat. Men's eyes were on me everywhere I went in that club, and I knew EXACTLY what they were thinking. They didn't even HAVE to undress me in their head. Hell, I did it for them! Get them a little too drunk, and I could've faced a really bad situation. Thank you, God, that nothing more than a few errant drunken gropes happened. 

Rather than making me feel good, this behavior-- this acting out-- made me feel cheap and sleazy.

Damnit. Those feminists lied to me...again!

Modesty sans frumpiness!

Nowadays? I'm older and wiser. Fortunately. I've thrown off the feminist propaganda that tells me I can damn well do what I please and damn the consequences of my actions...and in doing so I've gotten back to my roots. I'm generally conservative in nature to begin with (how I ended up half-naked at a club making out with girls and having a couple too many I can't even imagine now!), but my spiritual path is taking me even further than I was raised to be.

Why be modest, though? Is there really anything wrong with wearing a tank top and short shorts? I mean...I live in FLORIDA, the United States capital of God-awful summer heat! I SHOULD be able to bend the "rules" I've got in my head of what is modest and immodest...right?

Not so much. At least, not for me. To me, modesty is about respect. It's respect for myself, for my relationship with my HOH, and for God.

• Dressing in a trashy way with lots of skin showing isn't respectful to myself. It feels as though I don't value myself. I don't want to be one of those women who get ahead in life because they wear miniskirts and let their breasts hang half out. Let me instead be judged (if you will) based on my OWN merits...not by how I look. I want my children to grow up knowing that I respect myself. I want them to learn from my example and not make the same mistakes I have.
• I take a great amount of pride in my relationship. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm submissive to my HOH naturally; it doesn't take any effort on my part whatsoever. I consider the fact that how I dress is not only a reflection on me, but it also is a reflection on HIM and our relationship. I have respect and deep, deep love for him and our relationship, and I aim to show it through my style of dress. My body is his to see...and his alone. I am not for public display.
• God created us all beautiful, in our way. I wouldn't cover myself up in ugly sacks and say "This is what God wants from me!", waving around my piousness like a badge of honor. I'm a humble person...but I still want to be pretty. God made women to be beautiful, so just because I won't wear tank-tops anymore and prefer long skirts does NOT mean I am all of a sudden going to wear ugly clothes. News flash: I can wear bright colors and lively patterns on my clothes and STILL look modest!

Of course, not everyone will agree with this, and I don't really care one way or the other if they do or not. I know how I feel when I dress modestly, in long skirts and dresses.

I feel feminine.

I feel pretty.

I feel confident.

I feel respectful AND respected.

To me, that doesn't seem like such a bad thing at all...

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To see the kinds of styles I enjoy, feel free to follow me on Pinterest, my second best hobby! 

 

The above photo is courtesy of Gal Meets Glam.